


Contumax

by darkmoore



Category: Law & Order: SVU, The Sentinel (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Sentinels & Guides, Alternate Universe - Sentinels and Guides Are Known, Crossover, Death Threats, M/M, Sentinel Senses, Sentinel/Guide, Sentinel/Guide Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-06 15:54:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 26,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15889230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkmoore/pseuds/darkmoore
Summary: Guide Rafael Barba is receiving Death threats — again.When an operation to catch those threatening Rafael goes horribly wrong and Langan comes online as a Sentinel, Rafael might be the only one who can save him. But at what cost?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tobeconspicuous](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tobeconspicuous/gifts).



> This is for [tobeconspicuous](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tobeconspicuous/pseuds/tobeconspicuous) who lives for Bangan. There you go, Maggie, all for you! Massive thanks go, as always, to [Brumeier](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brumeier/pseuds/Brumeier) for beta, and hand holding, cheer leading and all around awesomeness - she also has six more chapters to beta so I would like to say how much I appreciate her help! And last but not least [Bulletproof_love](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bulletproof_love/pseuds/Bulletproof_love) and all the other lovely people at the discord who have encouraged me and cheered me on. It's much appreciated. This also fills the "bitemark/bruise" square on my trope Bingo card.

“I heard you’re getting death threats, _again_?” Trevor Langan, of all people, stepped up to Rafael right outside the courthouse, a worried frown on his face. 

Rafael sighed. “Yes, Langan, I am. Good news travels fast I see. It seems some people are unhappy about me not being ‘held responsible for killing a baby.’” Rafael air quoted. He kept walking, hoping Langan would let it go, but he had no such luck. Langan kept up with him easily as Rafael hurried down the stairs. 

“What’s Stone got to say about all of this? He’s your boss. He should make sure you’ve got protection!” Langan sounded genuinely worried and upset on his behalf, which puzzled Rafael a bit. He stopped and turned to look at Langan, sneer firmly plastered on his face. 

“EADA Alpha Sentinel Stone has gone through the proper channels and took it upon himself to not only make the police aware of my predicament, he also contacted the NYSG Center and had me fitted with a Sentinel-Guide protection detail. So I should probably make you aware of the fact that our conversation is not private.” 

Langan looked around quickly, as if he could make out the SG pair Rafael had talked about. “I can’t see them.”

Rafael rolled his eyes at him. “Of course you can’t. That’s the whole point, isn’t it? I want these idiots who think they can threaten me put behind bars, but for that to work I need them to make their move. You don’t seriously think I want my privacy invaded for longer than absolutely necessary, do you?”

“You’re playing _bait_?” Langan sounded incredulous now. 

“No, I’m not playing bait. I’m choosing to go on with my life with as little disruption as possible. I’m a _Guide_ for Christ’s sake,” Rafael ranted. “I know people tend to forget that fact because I’m a prosecutor and not a nice person, rather than the fluffy ball of joy the media likes to makes us Guides out to be. Having strangers in my personal space 24/7 is not gonna work out for long because the strain it puts on my shields is just not manageable. And I’ll be damned if I let them lock me up in a Center to protect me for the rest of my life.”

“Might be preferable to ending up dead,” Langan murmured. 

Rafael was at the end of his patience. “I’m not going to die, and it’s seriously none of your business what I choose to do with my life. Now, if you would kindly leave, your unwarranted over-protectiveness is giving me a headache. I wasn’t kidding about people straining my shields. Don’t you have somewhere to be?”

“I can’t believe you’re not on suppressors if it gets that bad,” Langan said, completely ignoring Rafael’s request to be left alone. “Seriously, why are you doing this to yourself?”

Rafael was proud of the ironclad control he had on his shields, of his ability to keep them up and make them practically impermeable even if it did take a certain amount of energy to do so. But it was worth it. Rafael hated to be bombarded with the unfiltered feelings of the people around him, hated to be privy to feelings regular, ungifted people weren’t even aware they were transmitting. 

Taking psychoactive drugs to suppress his gift would have taken the strain of having to keep up his shields at all times off of him, but that would have come at a cost, too. The drugs the Center supplied made him feel hollow, detached from his own feelings and seriously paranoid because it was one thing for a Guide to _choose_ not to feel anything from their surroundings, but it was a completely different thing to be _unable_ to do so. 

“That’s none of your fucking business,” Rafael snapped irritably. “Go away. I mean it. I’m not discussing my life choices with you!” With that he started to walk away at a brisk pace, not caring that he’d practically made a scene at the steps of the courthouse. He just wanted to get back home for the night where he could curl up on the couch and loosen the grip on his shields for a bit. 

His day seriously sucked.

* * *

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Stone asked as he slipped into the black tac-vest his Guide handed him. There was a slight British lilt to his voice, subtle but undeniably there. Like most Sentinels who had come online early, Stone had served in the military and, even though his file was sealed, Rafael suspected there were a few black ops hidden in there. It was very obvious that Stone had slipped from strong-willed prosecutor into Alpha-Sentinel-protecting-his-tribe mode. Right now he wasn’t acting as EADA, he was the Alpha in charge of an operation. 

“Yes, I’m absolutely sure,” Rafael said with conviction. “This has been going on for too long already. I want my life back and I’m not willing to wait another four months for it to happen. We draw them out today, your teams grab them, and I can get back to living my life. I trust that your teams know what they’re doing.” Rafael hoped he sounded strong and confident. He couldn’t get a read on Stone, naturally, his Guide had both of them shielded so thoroughly their presence didn’t even register on an empathic level. 

“All right,” Stone said, and turned to his Guide. “Damien, check in with teams four and six, make sure all civilians are secure. We’re not taking any risks here. I want this to go as smoothly as possible.” 

Scott gave a curt nod. “Copy,” he replied, and stepped away to contact the teams already stationed inside the court house. 

“Remember to stick to the plan, Rafael,” Stone said, and his hand flicked out to Rafael’s chest where a high-tech armored vest was hidden under his three piece suit. “And if anything goes wrong you _will_ drop your shields and bring those bastards down, you got me? I don’t care if you cause brain damage. We’ll deal with the fallout if need be. Your main objective is to protect yourself, is that understood?” 

Nausea welled up in Rafael but he fought it back. “Yes, Alpha,” he replied dutifully. Using his Guide gifts on a non-gifted was a serious offense even when clearly acting in self-defense. Rafael wanted nothing to do with it. It would just make everything worse, and Rafael would end up under investigation _again_. But his Alpha had given him a clear order and sanctioned the use of mental force, which made Rafael somewhat uncomfortable. 

He took a deep breath, adjusted the grip on his briefcase, and exited the small office space of the building close to the courthouse, which they had been tucked away in. Rafael knew he would be under surveillance the whole time by Sentinel-Guide units stationed along his way to the courthouse and also in the building.

When he arrived in the conference room they’d picked for the confrontation with his assailants, Rafael breathed a sigh of relief. Everything was going according to plan. They’d figured out who was trying to have him killed but weren’t sure that they had tabs on all the players in this sick little game, and Stone wanted to make sure he got them all. So he had, upon Rafael’s insistence, come up with a plan to draw his assailants into the open and get them to act. 

Rafael had dismissed his protective detail in a very public outburst, claiming he couldn’t take the constant surveillance any more. It was closer to the truth than Rafael cared to admit. They’d also made sure it would be public knowledge that Rafael would be alone in a conference room at the courthouse, working on one of his latest cases and preparing to meet with more witnesses later in the day. It would be the perfect opportunity to get to him alone and assure no-one found him too soon since Rafael was known for ripping off anyone’s head who dared to disturb him unnecessarily. 

With a heavy sigh, Rafael took out his case files and spread them out, then settled in to wait. There was no telling when his assailants would show up, but Rafael hoped it wouldn’t take too long. Surely they wouldn’t want to cut it too close to his supposed meeting with the witnesses. Rafael closed his eyes and calmed his mind, sinking into an almost meditative state easily. Contrary to his court persona and outside appearance, Rafael actually was capable of being calm and pleasant, he simply viewed it as a waste of time most days. 

After an indeterminable amount of time, the conference room door opened and two men in cheap suits strode in. They were bulky and screamed hired muscle in a way that was almost comical. Rafael looked up from the notes he’d been pretending to study, a displeased frown on his face. 

“Gentlemen, I think you’re in the wrong room. I’m busy and I don’t appreciate being disturbed,” he snapped even as his heart rate picked up and adrenalin coursed through his veins.

“No mistake. We’re here for you, Barba,” one of the goons huffed, and slowly made his way over to where Rafael was sitting. 

Rafael tried to quiet his breathing and stay calm. This was what he’d wanted. Everything was going according to plan. There were several SG teams in close vicinity, and he’d been explicitly told to defend himself if necessary. 

A door opened to Rafael’s right. A door that led to another, smaller conference room and should have been locked. It was _supposed_ to be locked so his assailants had only one way in or out. Only, it wasn’t locked because Trevor Langan strode through it, anger visible on his face like a dark thundercloud. 

“Have you completely lost your mind, Barba? What were you thinking, dismissing your protective detail like that?” Langan snapped. 

And just like that, their plan went to hell. 

Rafael could see the exact moment Langan realized he wasn’t alone in the room with him. And that the men currently advancing on Rafael were probably not the friendly type. One of the goons had pulled out a knife and he looked decidedly twitchy now that another person was in the room with them. 

Everything seemed to happen all at once. One of the men lunged towards Rafael as if to grab him, at the same time Langan yelled, “Get away from the Guide!” Langan shoved the very solid, very heavy conference table against the goon nearest to Rafael, sending him toppling into the wall, unconscious. 

Startled by Langan’s actions and surprised by what had to be a freakishly high adrenalin response, Rafael abruptly dropped his shields, taking in the room. He reached for the mind of the second assailant who was sliding over the dislodged table in an attempt to get to Rafael and _pushed_. 

The man dropped like a stone, unconscious on the conference table, knife clattering uselessly to the floor. 

Langan, on the other hand, seemed to practically glow with psionic energy. It was coming off him in huge, uncontrolled waves, his mind a jumbled mess of rage, disorientation and above all protectiveness. 

Fuck. 

“Stone, tell your men to stay put. Langan’s here. He’s online and he’s gone feral,” Rafael hissed, trusting that his Alpha would be able to hear him. “I’ll talk him down. Threat is neutralized.” 

Slowly, like one would approach a skittish horse, Rafael walked over to Langan, who was shivering, hands balled to fists at his side, strung high on adrenalin and probably way too much sensory input. Langan didn’t have any shields to speak of, and as soon as he came out of his feral state he would crash and go down in a fuckton of pain, if Rafael couldn’t prevent it. 

“It’s okay, Sentinel,” Rafael said, hands up in a placating gesture. Langan’s mind was firmly in protection and survival mode, he wouldn’t get anything but the basics at the moment. “You did well. You protected the Guide. See? I’m not hurt. You did so well. Now come back to me, okay? Come back. The threat is gone. I’m safe. No one is trying to harm me anymore. You protected me.” 

Rafael kept up his litany of praise and assurance until he was close enough to touch Langan. 

“I’m going to touch you, all right? I’m going to touch you and help you to come back to me.” Rafael watched for any kind of reaction to his words, dimly aware of the fact that, from the feel of it, the other SG teams were evacuating the building completely.

It made sense. A newly online, feral Sentinel could be incredibly dangerous.

“Guide,” Langan said, his eyes fixed on Rafael. He lifted his left hand and held it out to Rafael, the same way one would offer a hand to a child to take. 

“Yes, I’m a Guide,” Rafael confirmed. “You protected me. You did well. But you can stand down now, Sentinel. You did your duty. I’m not in danger anymore. I’m fine. You made sure I’m fine.” 

It didn’t matter that Rafael wouldn’t have been in this situation in the first place if Langan hadn’t barged in. What was done was done. 

Rafael slipped his hand into Langan’s and threw up a buffer all around the vulnerable Sentinel’s mind. Langan wasn’t really his Sentinel, but it was very clear that they would be compatible. 

“Guide,” Langan said again, wonder coloring his voice this time. 

“Yes, you’re right. Guide. It’s okay, I’m here. I’ve got you,” Rafael replied patiently, well aware of the fact that Langan was pretty defenseless at the moment despite being feral. It was a dangerous combination.

Rafael shifted his grip on Langan and wrapped his hand around the man’s wrist instead, making it easier to ground him. He gently nudged at Langan’s mind, careful not to startle him, and sent reassurance, calm, and a sense of safety. It was nothing more than tending to the feral Sentinel’s most basic needs: the certainty that the Guide was fine and out of harm’s way. 

Langan blinked owlishly and his breath hitched before he staggered and sat down hard on the floor. Rafael scrambled to follow him, never once breaking physical contact. He pushed more psionic energy into the buffer he’d erected around Langan and kneeled next to him 

“I’m dizzy.” Langan mumbled and his right hand, the one Rafael didn’t hold captive to ground him, came up to his head, fingers pushing through his hair. “What happened? What’s going on?”

“What’s going on is that you couldn’t take a hint and stay out of my business, which means you walked in here just when the Alpha and I had set up a trap for the people who are after me,” Rafael said, slightly acerbic. “I have no idea why you thought you had any right to lecture me on my life choices but you strode in, full of self-important anger, demanding answers.” Rafael threw Langan a look that said exactly what he thought about that kind of action. 

Langan blinked at him again and looked around, taking in the two unconscious assailants and the dislodged conference table. “And how did I end up on the floor? I seem to be missing a couple of minutes. Jesus, my head is killing me.”

Rafael pointedly looked down at the hand he had still wrapped around Langan’s wrist and said, “Well, once you realized what was happening, the Sentinel in you decided to come out and play. You came online and instantly went feral in an attempt to save the Guide in distress – me. You got any other brilliant ideas as to how to ruin my day? Because I gotta tell you, I’m all that’s currently standing between you and massive sensory overload. Be grateful you only have a headache.” 

There was a sharp rap on the door announcing what Rafael suspected would be Stone and a few SG teams. Surely the Alpha had listened and deemed Langan lucid enough to be approached. A second later Stone and Scott strode in, looking grim. Two other SG teams entered behind them. 

“Cuff that scum and get them out of my sight,” Stone ordered, and his men set to work while Scott stepped up to his Sentinel and grounded him in the most subtle way Rafael had ever seen. To someone who didn’t know what they were looking at it would have appeared like a random twitch of Scott’s fingers that resulted in a brush of skin on skin. But Rafael knew better and it momentarily fascinated him. To be that in synch, to have such a strong connection that the barest of touches was enough to center and ground the Sentinel, was a thing a lot of seasoned SG pairs only dreamed of. It went way beyond simple compatibility. 

“You ready to go to the Center, Sentinel Langan?” Stone asked, gentle amusement in his voice. Rafael found Langan’s obvious confusion kind of adorable.

“I … I’m not sure, Alpha. I’m-” He frowned. “I’m confused. I didn’t think I’d come online. I never had more than basic training. I’m … ah … no, of course I’m ready to go to the Center, Alpha.” Langan sounded almost embarrassed now. “Whatever you feel is best.” His gaze searched Rafael’s as if he’d have all the answers. Of course, at the moment Rafael was Langan’s lifeline, so it was only normal Langan would look to him for help. 

“I’ll go with him as acting TAG until one of the Guides there can take over. No need to make this harder than necessary,” Rafael said with a sigh. That wasn’t how he’d planned on spending his evening. 

Stone gave a pleased nod and said, “Thank you, Rafael. I’ll let the Center know you’re coming. Trevor, I’ll be by to see you when you’re a little more stable. Don’t worry, you’re in good hands.”

“Thank you, Alpha,” Langan said. The honorific sounded more wrong each time Langan used it. There was a creepy kind of submission coloring Langan’s voice now and Rafael didn’t like it. 

Stone frowned. He’d probably noticed it, too, but chose not to say anything more. “Go to the Center and get some rest. We’ll figure everything else out later.” With that he strode from the room. 

Rafael sighed and got ready to accompany Langan to the Center.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael gets some surprising news. Trevor isn't doing as well as everyone had hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks go, as always, to my wonderful beta, friend, Cheerleader: [Brumeier](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brumeier/pseuds/Brumeier). Bru, you rock! Thank you so much for your help and continued support.

The call from the Center came about two weeks after Rafael had left Langan in the capable hands of their trained Guide staff. It was a bit unusual that the Center called him, seeing that Rafael tried to avoid interacting with them as much as possible. Now they had called with an insane request. 

“You want me to what? No! Whatever gave you the impression that I would be willing to work as a TAG now when I have told you repeatedly I’m am not interested in working with a Sentinel, not even on a temporary basis?” Anger welled up in Rafael. 

“Just because I helped out Langan _once_ while he was feral and newly online doesn’t mean you have any right to my time.” Rafael tried to calm his breathing and push down his anger. The whole incident had been a catastrophe of epic proportions and he still partially blamed Langan for how it all had gone down. He should never have been let near that conference room in the first place, and it was because of him that Rafael had needed to use his gifts on a regular person – even if that person was one of the bad guys. 

The young Guide on the other end apparently lost his patience with him and told him to just come down and meet Stone at the Center. And just like that, the decision had been taken from Rafael. Annoyed, he grabbed his things, told Carmen to reschedule all appointments, and made his way to the Manhattan Sentinel-Guide Center.

* * *

Stone met him in front of one of the observation suites and Rafael had to admit his Alpha looked more worried than he had ever seen him. Something tense and uneasy had settled around Stone’s shoulders and even Scott, who was usually good for comic relief, was quiet and tense at his Sentinel’s side. 

“Alpha?” Rafael started, unsure what was going on. How had a simple request to act as TAG ended up with Stone wanting to meet with him and why was everyone so fucking tense?

“We have a problem, Rafael,” Stone said. He went over to the frosted observation window and flipped a switch, turning it clear. What he saw almost made Rafael take a startled step back. 

Inside the observation suite was Trevor Langan lying in a hospital bed. His eyes were closed but looked hollow and sunken, his bare arms covered in a nasty-looking rash. His breathing was shallow and uneven, as if he was in pain, and Rafael wondered what the hell had happened to him that he had ended up in such a condition. 

“They can’t find a TAG that works for him.” Stone answered Rafael’s unasked question. 

“What? That can’t be right,” Rafael snapped, trepidation settling into his chest like lead. “How can they not find a single TAG for him in all of Manhattan?”

“No, you don’t understand, Rafael. They couldn’t find him a TAG in the whole of New York. There’s simply _no-one_ who can ground him. They tried. But it’s the same each and every time. Within less than an hour the surface bond will start to rapidly deteriorate, sending Trevor into a spiral of sensory overload and pain. The doctors are drugging him now but, as you can see, he’s not reacting favorably.” Stone’s voice was tense, the British accent more prominent than it had been since Rafael met him for the first time. “You’re the only Guide who managed to maintain a connection to him for more than an hour without any noticeable side effects.”

The news hit Rafael like a kick to the stomach. 

“If that was the case why didn’t they call me sooner, huh? Why now, when he’s looking like death warmed over? Why wait that long?” Rafael resisted the urge to bang his fist against the observation window. 

Stone gave him a look that said he was being an idiot. “They only contacted you now because I told them to try every other resource first. Believe it or not, I actually do care about the wishes and the boundaries of the members of my tribe. You have every right to refuse to work as a TAG, just like every other Guide under my protection.” His gaze flicked to Langan’s still form in the hospital bed and Rafael didn’t need his empathy to see that Stone was hurting for his fellow Sentinel.

“You made it clear that you only agreed to work as a TAG under these specific circumstances and not beyond that. By asking you to come here today I am violating one of the primary rules of the Sentinel-Guide community. I’m asking you to reconsider your decision to work as a TAG so Trevor can heal and the Center has enough time to conduct a proper Guide search for him and find him a permanent Guide.” 

“Jesus Christ, have you all gone crazy?” Rafael slipped out of his jacket, dropped it carelessly onto the nearest chair, and started to undo the buttons of his shirt sleeves. Anger was burning in his chest, bright and hot and overwhelming. “Do you really think that little of me? Huh? Do you really think I’m that much of a self-absorbed asshole that I wouldn’t help a Sentinel in need? Is that what you think of me? That I’m what? Some narcissist jerk who cares more about his own comfort than the fact that someone else is suffering?” Rafael didn’t care that he was yelling at his Alpha-pair. He was _furious_. Sure, he hadn’t been too happy about Langan’s behavior at the court house, but he didn’t wish any harm to the man. 

Stone didn’t say anything, neither did Scott. They just silently watched as Rafael gripped the handle of the door to the observation suit and pulled it open with more force than necessary. He stepped into the room and was instantly hit with a dull kind of pain coming from Langan, even though Rafael’s shields were still up almost completely. 

The filtered air in the room was cool but not cold, the white noise generator one of the less irritating ones. With a suppressed curse Rafael strode over to the bed, assessing the situation. He couldn’t touch Trevor’s arms without irritating the rash further and he didn’t dare get into the bed with him to establish skin contact, not when there were still so many unknown factors. 

Without thinking too much about it, Rafael slipped his left hand under Trevor’s neck, his right cupping the side of his face. The skin-on-skin contact had an awful bite to it, as if Trevor’s body and mind were fighting against him for a split-second until the psionic energy in Trevor settled down. Rafael reached out to Trevor with his mind and the amount of pain the Sentinel was in almost sent Rafael to his knees. 

“Dear God,” Rafael whispered, and started to throw a buffer up all around Trevor. Then he wrapped Trevor in his own shields as securely as possible, and Rafael was amazed at how easily Trevor’s psionic energy yielded to him. There was no resistance on his part at all. It was exactly the way it had been at the courthouse when Rafael had determined they were compatible. 

“It’s okay. I’m here now. I’ve got you,” Rafael soothed quietly, not even really sure if Trevor could hear him. But the pain Trevor had been in ebbed away like water, and Rafael could feel him relax and slip into a restful sleep instead of the drug-induced one Trevor’s body had been fighting every step of the way.

Following an impulse, Rafael leaned down and pressed his own forehead to Trevor’s. “You’re gonna be fine. Everything is gonna be fine. I’m not going anywhere,” Rafael promised. He stayed like that for a long moment before he sat down on the edge of the bed, slipped his right hand into the neck of Trevor’s hospital gown, and settled in to wait.

* * *

They brought him food, a change of Center-issued clothes, and a book. Rafael settled into a very comfortable armchair, his left hand wrapped around Trevor’s right wrist; the rash had cleared up considerably during the last couple of hours. Trevor was in such a bad shape that he still required physical contact to heal, even though Rafael had all but mentally smothered him with buffers and a constant flow of soothing psionic energy. 

The doctors estimated it would be another two or three hours before Rafael could risk letting go of him for longer than the time it took to change or go to the bathroom. But Rafael was surprisingly fine with that. As irritated as he had been at Trevor for meddling in his life, now he just felt quiet compassion in the face of so much pain and suffering.

When midnight rolled around the doctors suggested Rafael get into bed with Trevor. Unease prickled at Rafael’s spine, cold and persistent. Trevor hadn’t woken up yet, his body too exhausted from the strain of the last two weeks to rouse from sleep. Rafael didn’t worry about himself, Trevor was too exhausted to do anything more than sleep, but what would happen if he woke up with a stranger wrapped around him? That wasn’t a risk Rafael was willing to take.

“You’re the only person who can help him. Reducing physical contact now, before Sentinel Langan has fully stabilized, could cause a setback. If you wish, we can arrange for another Guide to be present while both of you get some rest. The surface bond should help Sentinel Langan recover enough so you can reduce physical contact to a minimum in the morning.” The doctor sounded matter of fact, as if the fact that Rafael had agree to help now gave him the right to order him around. 

“I didn’t surface bond with Trevor yet,” Rafael said, casually, and focused back on his book. 

The doctor paled considerably and stared at Rafael. “But what exactly are you doing, then?” he asked, completely baffled. 

“I’m buffering him. And I’ve wrapped him up in my own shields for now. I wasn’t about to initiate a surface bond when Trevor isn’t conscious enough to give informed consent. I’m not violating him that way.” Rafael’s tone was cold and dismissive. 

“It’s not a violation if it’s saving his life,” the doctor groused. “How do you expect to keep up this level of psionic drain without a surface bond? That’s insane, you’re gonna go down with him!”

“How I do it is none of your business. I said I won’t surface bond without explicit consent and that’s my final word. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m trying to read.”

Rafael lost track of time but thought it must have been around 3 am when Trevor stirred, a frown on his face and flailing wildly. He bolted upright, looking scared and disoriented.

“Hey, hey, calm down. It’s okay. You’re okay. You’re safe.” Rafael had let go of Trevor’s wrist when he had started flailing but shoved more _calm_ and _safe_ into the buffer he had up all around the vulnerable Sentinel.

“Rafael?” Trevor blinked owlishly, and another frown appeared on his face. “What are you doing here? What happened?” 

“You crashed from severe sensory maladjustment and were sedated for your own safety,” Rafael explained. “I’ve been called because the Center has had difficulties finding a TAG or matching Guide for you. So far it seems I’m the only Guide the Sentinel in you accepts without instantly eroding whatever connection has been established. Your Sentinel is a picky bastard,” Rafael said, teasingly. 

“So they ordered you to do babysitting duty, huh?” Trevor sounded miserable. “I’m so sorry to cause you problems, Rafael. I can’t believe they made you take responsibility for me. Surely they could have found another way?”

“They didn’t and there wasn’t,” Rafael said, trying his best to keep his tone neutral. “You were in really bad shape, Trevor, and you would have gotten even worse if I hadn’t buffered you. I wasn’t about to let anyone suffer needlessly if there was something I could do to help. I may not actively seek a Sentinel to bond with, but I _am_ a Guide, with all the Guide instincts that come with it.” 

Rafael had often had to defend his decision to be taken off the Guide search lists the Center put out. He didn’t want to bond, to act as a permanent Guide to someone who was possibly so driven by their instinct to protect the tribe that they acted like they had a death wish. He didn’t want to join a Sentinel on the police force or in the military, and he sure as hell didn’t want to end up a glorified ‘assistant’ to his Sentinel, a tool used to keep his bonding partner sane. 

At any given time, there were a lot more Guides than Sentinels online and even though it might take some time and energy, Rafael couldn’t remember a single instance in which a Sentinel had not found a fitting match. So no, he hadn’t planned on bonding, ever. The sacrifices were too great, and he wouldn’t do it, not even to finally fill that perpetually empty spot that sat hollowly in his chest since he had come online. Only high-level Guides felt the longing for a bond, and Rafael was about as high as one could get without being an Alpha himself, but that longing could be lived with. To Rafael the alternative was unthinkable.

“So what do we do now?” Trevor asked hesitantly. He was avoiding Rafael’s eyes and looked almost shy, but his emotional tone, the one Rafael got by buffering, was way off. He felt ashamed and scared, a little hopeless and a lot guilty. Rafael didn’t like it one bit. It wasn’t Trevor’s fault he had come online now, at his age, in that moment. He hadn’t actively chosen it any more than he had chosen the fact that apparently his genetic makeup and his Sentinel side were choosy little assholes who required a very specific sort of Guide. 

But that was fine, it would just take more time to find a good match for Trevor. Until then, Rafael was willing to be his TAG. It was an exception he would make because of the rather unusual conditions. 

“You need to stop feeling like you’re imposing on me or forcing me into doing something I don’t want to do. Honestly, you wouldn’t be able to make me do anything at all. I could drop you like a rock if I wanted to, and there’s nothing you could do about it. It’s my choice to be here and I’m willing to help. But this will only work if you stop fighting me out of a sense of guilt.”

“I don’t know what to do,” Trevor admitted. He sounded lost and confused. “I don’t know how not to feel guilty. This shouldn’t have happened.”

“That’s true. But it did,” Rafael replied patiently. “Nothing you can do about it now but let it go. I’ll say it again: you’re not imposing on me. This is my decision.”

“Okay,” Trevor said with a small nod. “You’ll keep helping me until the Center finds the right Guide for me?” The question was asked hesitantly, but the shame Rafael had felt from Trevor previously was slowly receding. 

“Yes, I will. In fact, I would like your permission to try and surface-bond with you. It’d be easier on both of us if our connection were a bit more stable.” Rafael looked at Trevor expectantly. 

“My permission?” Trevor asked with a frown. He sounded surprised and baffled, as if Rafael asking for his consent was an alien thought. 

“Yes, since it’s your mind I’ll be poking around in. Problem?” Rafael briefly wondered if Trevor understood the concept of a surface-bond. 

“Ah, no, it’s just-” Trevor rubbed the back of his neck uneasily and avoided Rafael’s eyes. “None of the others asked for permission. They said I needed a TAG and they’d help me. And then they just sort of-” He broke off, obviously searching for the right word “Attached themselves to me. It felt … odd.”

Rafael would have bet it felt more than just odd. It likely had felt very intrusive and borderline abusive. Anger coiled in the pit of his stomach at the callous way Trevor had been treated. As with every doctor, a patient was allowed to refuse treatment, and every Sentinel had the right to not have his mind violated, even if it had dire consequences. The least these Guides should have done was ask for permission before they attempted to aid him, even if what they were about to do was for the sake of Trevor’s life. 

“Well, it’s a good thing I’m not them,” Rafael said with a little more bite than he had intended. Either the doctor responsible for Trevor’s care had influenced the TAGs, or Stone had a far more serious issue at hand. One that might end up very ugly if Guides decided that consent was overrated and started violating vulnerable Sentinels. 

“I won’t do anything beyond buffering you, the way I am right now, without your explicit permission. Surface-bonding would be safer for you and less straining for me, but it’s something you need to want and allow. I’m not going to violate you in such a way. It’s completely unacceptable and you can be sure that I will be talking to Stone about this.” 

The anger Rafael felt burning in his gut was familiar and expected, the surge of protectiveness he felt towards Trevor was not. 

“This, all of this, has been very confusing to me,” Trevor admitted, and he sounded rueful. “At first the doctors and Guides on staff told me that I’d be fine, that they’d find me a fitting TAG and start a Guide search for me while they taught me how to maintain my shield independently. They said it was pretty much routine and nothing to worry about. When they brought in the first TAG that was a partial match for me, I still thought all would turn out well.”

He avoided Rafael’s eyes, his fingers picking at some invisible lint on the blanket covering him. “She was pleasant, very matter of fact. I think she reminded me a bit of you.” Trevor threw him a quick glance before looking away again. “She told me she’d take care of me and help me while I get trained. Said if I ever wanted to make the arrangement permanent to let her know ‘cause she was searching. Then she just … plastered her mind all over mine. It was such a strange feeling. It wasn’t really _bad_ ,” Trevor put an odd little emphasis on that, somewhere between scared and desperate, “But it didn’t feel right, either.” 

“Go on,” Rafael encouraged gently when Trevor broke off, making sure he kept the anger he felt away from Trevor and the psionic energy he was still feeding into the buffer. 

“I went to the meditation area with her; she was supposed to help me build my own shields and maintain them without the help of a Guide. But something wasn’t right. She seemed to have trouble staying connected to me. At first it was just uncomfortable but then it started to hurt. Everything was too loud and my skin hurt where my clothes rubbed. The lights were too bright. I begged her to help me but the more she tried to hold on to my mind, the more it hurt. A doctor came running and I think there was another Guide, too. I don’t know what happened next, but I woke up a day or two later in a hospital bed, feeling like someone had rubbed me down with sandpaper. The TAG was gone.”

“Then what happened?” Rafael asked, feeling strangely like trying to get a statement out of a spooked witness in court. Trevor was clearly traumatized by what had happened to him repeatedly over the course of the last two weeks. Rafael wasn’t sure Trevor would be able to completely bond to anyone at all until the trauma had been addressed and treated. He would see if Stone and Scott could get a mind-healer specialized in that area to come and talk to Trevor.

“I was given drugs for two days to dampen my senses, and after that another TAG came. He was-” Trevor broke off and hesitated, clearly uncomfortable with talking about the second person who had surface-bonded themselves to him without consideration of Trevor’s feelings. “He was very young, had just turned nineteen he told me. The doctor said his compatibility with me was higher than that of the first TAG. He was enthusiastic and bubbly. He reminded me of an overeager puppy dog. Or Carisi, really.” There was something about the description that sent a prickle of unease down Rafael’s spine. 

Carisi could be a pain in the behind, but overall he meant well. A well-meaning but misguided, painfully young Guide? Yeah, what could possibly have gone wrong? 

Rafael allowed himself a small, rueful smile. “They got you a puppydog Guide?” he asked, shaking his head a little. 

“He meant well,” Trevor said and once again avoided Rafael’s eyes. “But his mind was unfocused and erratic, his mental touch felt like glass shards as he grappled to anchor himself. He apologized for being clumsy but … it wasn’t good. His connection to me lasted for only about half an hour. I was in pain the whole time and passed out when he lost his grip on my mind. I’ve been told I was drugged for my own safety for the next four days after.”

Rafael sucked in a sharp breath and anger burned in his chest like acid. “And Stone and Scott allowed this to go on why exactly? That’s ridiculous. What the hell were they thinking?”

“I don’t think the Alphas knew. Stone told them to try everything to aid me and help me gain control over my gifts. The doctors only called him after I collapsed when the third TAG they tried didn’t work out either.” Trevor looked embarrassed now. Like he was feeling bad for being such a bother.

“By then I was in bad shape, I was feverish and had a rash and my senses were slipping more and more out of control. They really hoped the next TAG would be the one to fix me, but he didn’t. It was useless.” Trevor sighed. “I know you said you made an exception for me when you brought me here, after I came online. That you don’t usually work as a TAG, and that the Center knows it. I guess getting you here was some sort of last-ditch effort. To be honest I’m still surprised the Alphas called you in.”

“It’s true, I have a statement with the Center that I’m not available as a TAG. But they still should’ve called and told me about the problems they had finding a TAG for you. I wouldn’t have said no. I already worked as your TAG before, I wasn’t about to let you suffer.” Something cold and ugly wrapped itself around Rafael’s spine at the thought of Trevor in pain and drugged out of his mind when all it would have taken was a phone call to explain the situation. 

Trevor’s head was bent, his eyes firmly trained on the blanket in his lap, but at Rafael’s last words he glanced up through his lashes almost shyly. “So, you really plan on helping me through this. Even if I’m not comfortable with a surface bond?”

“Even if you’re not comfortable with a surface bond, yes,” Rafael replied. “The last thing I want to do is hurt you, Trevor. And if these past experiences have made you wary of allowing another surface bond I understand. I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with. I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stick with you until you find your permanent Guide. However long that takes,” Rafael promised, and he was surprised how easy it was to make it. 

He’d have to miss out on a few weeks of work, most likely. He’d have to spend his days with Trevor at the Center, helping him get control of his gifts and retaking his life after coming online. It wasn’t what Rafael had planned on doing with his time, but it was well within his rights to do so as an active member of the SG community. Even if Stone hadn’t been his boss, there was no doubt about the possibility of Rafael serving as a TAG to Trevor without any consequences to his job.

Rafael sent Trevor another wave of _calm_ and _secure_ and _patient_ through the buffer he had up around him, hoping to put Trevor’s mind at ease about the whole situation. He’d been traumatized enough to last him a lifetime, and it was about time that someone started to make it up to him. Rafael didn’t mind being that someone. 

Trevor met Rafael’s eyes for a moment, an unreadable expression on his face. Rafael didn’t get anything from him in that moment, so he wasn’t sure what was going on. “It doesn’t hurt when you do it, you know?” Trevor said suddenly, and Rafael was momentarily thrown by the non-sequitur. 

Rafael frowned. “I’m not sure I follow?”

Trevor rubbed his forehead with his right hand and chuckled a little nervously. “Ah, the thing. With your … Whatever it is you’re doing to calm me down. You make me feel-” He exhaled slowly as if he wasn’t quite sure he really wanted to say what he was about to say. “Safe,” he finally said. “You make me feel safe. And it doesn’t hurt. Whatever … whatever it is that’s making me feel safe. It doesn’t hurt. And it doesn’t feel wrong. Not like with the others.” He turned his head away from Rafael, obviously embarrassed about having said anything. 

“It shouldn’t hurt, ever,” Rafael said quietly. “If it’s done right, and Sentinel and Guide are compatible, it shouldn’t be painful at all. It shouldn’t even be uncomfortable. A Guide’s mind is the shelter for their Sentinel. Their safe haven. A Sentinel should never have to fear seeking the comfort of their Guide’s mind. I’m very sorry that your experiences so far have been anything but comforting. I promise, I’d never willingly hurt you, Trevor.”

Rafael saw Trevor swallowing hard, and his hands clenched in his blanket for a second. “So, that means we’re actually compatible then?” he asked, tonelessly. “Like, we’re not just compatible on paper, like I was with the other TAGs?” He huffed out a laugh that sounded painful to Rafael’s ears and shook his head slightly. “I guess it makes sense,” Trevor said quietly, and now he sounded bitter and hopeless. “The only Guide who can actually manage to handle me doesn’t want me. It figures. The way I’ve been barging into your life lately and sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong, I wouldn’t want to be chained to someone like me either.” 

A wave of bone-deep sorrow flooded the buffer Rafael kept up around Trevor, swiftly followed by horrified embarrassment. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry that I said that,” Trevor apologized, eyes wide and frantic. “I didn’t mean to sound so ungrateful and pathetic. I’m grateful. I’m really, really grateful for what you’re doing for me. I shouldn’t be so greedy. I shouldn’t want what you’re very obviously not willing to give me or anyone. God, I’m so, so sorry.” 

“Don’t apologize, there’s no need,” Rafael assured him, and sent a wave of _safe_ and _calm_ to head off the panic attack he could feel coming on in Trevor. “It’s perfectly normal for a Sentinel to long for a permanent bond. Right now, I’m the only one who can provide you with the stability and support you need and that makes you wish you could keep it. I get it. And I’m not denying you a permanent bond because I don’t like you, Trevor. None of your actions have any bearing on my decision to not permanently bond. It’s just something I chose not to pursue for myself. The changes to my life a commitment like that would require are just too great. It’s nothing personal. I hope you believe me.”

Trevor nodded, “Yeah, I do,” he replied, and he sounded sad and so very tired. Then, as if it was an afterthought, “Can we try to surface bond in the morning? I think I’d really like that. I trust you. I think it would be good for both of us if we’d at least try.”

Rafael smiled at him and gently wrapped his hand around Trevor’s wrist again. “If you still want to surface-bond in the morning, we can certainly do that. It’s up to you. No pressure. I just want you to know that the offer is on the table.”

“Thank you, Rafael.” Trevor smiled back at him a little, but it was tinged with sadness and longing. “I really appreciate all you’re doing for me.” 

“You shouldn’t say that until you’ve had me put you through your shielding exercises,” Rafael said teasingly in an attempt to lighten the mood. 

Trevor groaned. “Oh god, don’t mention it,” he said, and laughed. Then he patted the bed beside himself. “Lie down with me for a bit? The night’s almost over but we could still try to get some more rest.”

Rafael hesitated for a moment but then smiled. “All right, if you’re sure.” 

Trevor moved to make space on the generously sized bed – SG pairs regularly slept in the same bed for grounding purposes, so fitting two grown men wasn’t exactly a problem – and lifted the cover. “Come on, don’t be shy. You’ve been in my head. I only bite when asked to,” he said and actually _winked_ at Rafael. 

With a sigh Rafael shook his head, threw Trevor a ‘you better behave’ look, and settled next to him on the bed. He turned off the lights and fell asleep to Trevor’s even breathing right next to his ear.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael and the Alphas get rid of a threat and find a new TAG who looks to be a promising fit for Trevor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big THANK YOU, as always, goes to my lovely beta and wonderful friend, [Brumeier](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brumeier/pseuds/Brumeier). Thank you so much for your encouragement, patience and help. You're the best! 
> 
> All remaining mistakes are my own.

“So, you’ve decided to surface bond after all, I see,” Dr. Hendrickson said gleefully, and Rafael wanted to punch the smug little smile right off his face. 

“Doctor, we need to talk. Outside,” Rafael said, and stepped away from the bed Trevor was lying in, deep asleep and dead to the world. He was exhausted after allowing Rafael in far enough to attempt a successful surface bond without traumatizing him even more. It had taken a great amount of patience on Rafael’s part because, even though Trevor was determined to allow the bond, his mind needed some gentle coaxing to open up enough. They’d managed it in the end and now a very solid surface bond was soothing Trevor and helping him heal. 

When he stepped into the corridor, Rafael flipped the switch on the observation window, turning it opaque again. It was just another way for him to protect Trevor from Hendrickson. 

“What seems to be the problem?” Hendrickson asked irritably and crossed his arms in front of his chest. He straightened, probably in an attempt to intimidate Rafael, but he had nothing on most of the defendants Rafael went head-to-head with in court.

Rafael smiled at him coldly and said, “You are the problem, Hendrickson. You and the merry little band of TAGs who have no concept of the meaning of ‘consent given’. _You_ are the problem here. I just wanted to let you know that I’m going to report you to the Alphas, let them deal with you and the fallout of letting you run rampant. You practically ordered these TAGs to violate a vulnerable Sentinel, _my_ vulnerable Sentinel, and you’re going to pay for that. When I’m done with you, you’ll wish you had never set foot in this institution.”

Hendrickson raised his eyebrows at Rafael. “ _Your_ Sentinel, you say? I clearly remember that you only agreed to work as a TAG for Sentinel Langan until I find him a suitable permanent Guide. Don’t pretend you’re more important than you actually are. You’re nothing but a defective Guide who, by some twist of nature, has the fitting genetic profile to help an equally defective Sentinel who came online late and will never be anything but mediocre at best. You are nobody.” 

Cold rage gripped Rafael’s insides, bringing everything around him into sharp focus. He reached for Hendrickson’s mind, trying to assess what was wrong with the guy, and realized he was, in fact, a dormant Guide. His gifts were locked down permanently, his psionic energy scattered, his very core corrupted and broken. He hid it well and no one but a high-level Guide would have noticed, especially if one didn’t actively search for it like Rafael had. 

Who the hell had thought it was a good idea to put such a madman in charge of Sentinels and Guides when they were at their weakest and most vulnerable?

It hadn’t been Stone and Scott, that much was certain. The Alpha pair had only taken over the New York area less than a year ago, and Hendrickson had been at the Center for at least three years, if not more. Rafael couldn’t quite remember; he hadn’t paid attention. 

Where Rafael had been blunt and crude when attacking the mind of his assailant in the courthouse, with Hendrickson Rafael was precise like a surgeon with a scalpel. He pried Hendrickson’s mind open, found his biggest fears and his greatest weaknesses and amplified them, until Hendrickson’s eyes widened in panic and he started to scream. His hands came up to his head, pulling his hair, and he sank to his knees, sobbing in terror. 

Behind him, Scott and Stone came running. 

“What the hell is going on, Barba?” Stone snapped as he took in the crying doctor who was hugging himself on the floor. 

Rafael looked at him evenly. “I’m exercising my right to defend myself and my Sentinel against outward sources to the best of my abilities,” Rafael replied calmly. “You told me two weeks ago that protecting myself was the main goal, I didn’t think that had changed. In fact, I would assume it applies even more now since I’m responsible for a fragile Sentinel as well.”

“You’re defending yourself?” Stone asked incredulously. “Against Doctor Hendrickson?” 

“Doctor Hendrickson has not only been highly negligent regarding the needs of my Sentinel, he has also encouraged and even ordered TAGs to violate my Sentinel’s mind. Every single one of those TAGs forced themselves onto Trevor, mentally, under the pretense that it was for his own good and safety,” Rafael said, his chest growing tight with anger. 

Scott frowned, and something dangerous and truly nasty rushed across his face. Rafael suddenly thought he really didn’t want to cross his Alpha Guide. The guy had some seriously terrifying vibes going on at times. Scott reached over and tapped the fingers of his right hand against Hendrickson’s forehead. Hendrickson slumped to the floor, unconscious. 

“Damien!” Stone sounded surprised. All of them knew that the touch to the forehead had just been for show and Scott had felled Hendrickson with his mind alone. 

“Sorry Mikey, but Rafael is right. Hendrickson was completely crazy. And dangerous. I can’t believe I didn’t see it before. All of his patients were in danger. We need to take care of this mess.” He shrugged, like it wasn’t a big deal, an easy grin spreading across his face. 

It was so odd, seeing his Alpha pair act like that. It was an open secret that apparently Scott never used his Sentinel’s first name, resorting to his middle name or sometimes even his last name instead. Rafael just hadn’t expected for it to sound so … intimate. It quietly freaked him out, almost as if intruding on something private. 

Stone rubbed his forehead and sighed. “Rafael, please go back to your Sentinel and stay with him until we’ve have made sure that the two of you are not in any additional danger. I don’t want you to drop Center staff left and right to protect Trevor in a place where you should be safe. I’m gonna sort this mess out, I promise. We’re gonna recall all TAGs for additional training, and Damien and I are gonna have a long hard look on what’s going on in the other New York Centers.” There was a pinched look around Stone’s eyes, and his chin was set in a determined tilt Rafael had never seen before. He’d known the Alpha pair was dangerous, maybe even more so than other Alpha pairs with less colorful military backgrounds. But what Rafael had seen of the New York Alpha pair within the last few minutes still surprised him, a lot. 

Rafael had a feeling Scott had probably transmitted what he had felt in Hendrickson to his Sentinel and that was what sent the Alpha Sentinel firmly into protection mode. It was fascinating, and somewhat scary, to see.. Alpha pairs were always protective of their tribe, but very few of them showed it as impressively as Stone and Scott. 

A wave of reassurance and gratitude wrapped around Rafael like a blanket, and Rafael stared at Scott in surprise. His Alpha was boosting him. Calming him. Rafael hadn’t even realized just how high-strung he’d become since his confrontation with Hendrickson. It wouldn’t do to go back to Trevor and risk him being exposed to that kind of emotional baggage. Rafael took a deep breath and let the foreign psionic energy seep into him, allowing Scott to truly calm him down. 

“Thank you, Alpha,” Rafael said quietly and gave a small nod. “I’ll wait in Trevor’s room.” With that he turned and walked away.

* * *

“Rafael, could I talk to you for a moment?” Damien Scott poked his head into the training room Trevor and Rafael were using for sensory exercises. It had been three weeks since accomplishing a surface bond, three weeks since getting rid of Hendrickson. Three weeks in which Trevor had fairly blossomed, slowly turning into the impressive Sentinel he was always meant to be. 

“Trevor, how about you meditate for a moment? I don’t want you to use your senses without me being here. One migraine a week is enough, I think.” Rafael threw Trevor a pointed look. 

“Yes, dear,” Trevor shot back drily, and moved over to the soft mat in the corner of the room where the meditation area was located. 

It was amazing how fast Trevor had fallen into a routine of playful banter and teasing jokes during their training. Yes, the two of them spent practically every waking hour together, even slept in the same room so Trevor would have access to his Guide at all times if need be, but to Rafael’s great surprise their irritation with each other was minimal. Rafael didn’t even miss his own, empty apartment much. Or the peace, quiet and solitude he’d always thought he valued so much. 

It was strange. 

With one last glance back at Trevor, Rafael walked over to Scott and followed him outside and into an empty sitting room. “What’s the matter? Anything wrong?” Rafael asked. 

The Alphas had worked hard the past few days to get rid of any personnel with attitude problems, retrain and educate the potential TAGs, and make sure all the other New York Centers were vetted as well, including the NYSG which was the biggest and most well known. There had been a lot of activity, the Center humming with excited energy. The Alphas had also taken it upon themselves to search for a new TAG or permanent Guide for Trevor, but so far they’d had no luck.

“We’ve located a suitable TAG for Trevor,” Scott said, his voice suspiciously soft. “She’s been vetted thoroughly and came up clean. Very high moral standards, exceptionally talented as a Guide at an almost Alpha level, her compatibility scores with Trevor are very high across the board, she’s intelligent, and completely committed to supporting a Sentinel in need. We’ve flown her in from Denver and she’ll be here in an hour.” The look Scott gave Rafael was almost apologetic. 

Rafael felt strange. 

He should be happy for Trevor, shouldn’t he? He should be hopeful that things would work out and Trevor would get to have the permanent Guide he deserved. He should be happy to get out of close quarters with Trevor at the Center, going back to his own place, his own life, but something inside Rafael didn’t feel good at all. Maybe it was worry. Maybe it was dread, because Trevor had been through so much and another setback, another disappointment, would surely dim the pleasant, slightly teasing, slightly playful personality Trevor had going on. 

Yes, that had to be it. Rafael just didn’t want to see Trevor hurt again after investing so much into helping him heal in the first place. 

“I see. What do you need from me? Do you want me to dissolve the surface bond now, or would you like me to wait until the new Guide can take over? Trevor is stable enough to go without a bond for an hour or two with no problems. His shielding has improved vastly, and he can hold his own.” Rafael tried to sound all business and reinforced his shields to the best of his abilities. He didn’t want Scott to know just how hard the news had been for him to hear. 

“I’m going to go talk to him now, explain the situation, and then you can join us and dissolve the surface bond as gently and carefully as possible. I don’t want Trevor to feel like we’re taking something from him, leaving him vulnerable. At no point in this process should he feel unsafe or unaided. You can buffer him the way you did in the beginning, until the new TAG can take over from you. That way Trevor won’t feel like he has to rely on his own shielding abilities alone.” Scott’s voice was calm, reasonable, and very warm. Compassionate. 

There was a kind of understanding in his eyes that set Rafael on edge, as if he knew exactly what was going on inside of Rafael, as if he could look right through him. It was very unsettling, considering Rafael didn’t completely know what was going on, himself. 

“As you wish, Alpha,” Rafael replied, and he didn’t flinch, didn’t move an inch when Scott got up and squeezed Rafael’s shoulder reassuringly before leaving the room to talk to Trevor. When the door closed behind him with a gentle ‘snick’ Rafael felt like someone had pulled the ground from under his feet. 

What the fuck was going on with him?

* * *

Karen was lovely. In a way, she reminded Rafael of Olivia with her compassion and quiet determination. She introduced herself to Trevor, made interesting, engaging conversation, smiled and charmed and assured him, before she asked for permission to take over the buffer from Rafael so they could see how Trevor would feel about it. Trevor had agreed without much hesitation, and Rafael had left them alone to go and observe from outside the room.

That had been two hours ago. Now she was kneeling across from Trevor on a padded mat, both of them wearing matching sets of sky-blue bonding robes, getting ready to attempt a surface bond. She’d asked for permission, again, and had assured Trevor she would do her best to support him and aid him and be there for him in any way he needed. She was willing to not only relocate from her family back home, but also commit to being a full-time TAG until such time they decided to make their bond permanent. If they did. 

In short, she was willing to commit in ways Rafael was not. 

“Sentinel, I offer my guidance to you, of my own free will, without having been pressured or coerced. I promise to be your shelter, your companion, your confidant, and your guard. No harm shall come to your mind while under my guidance. Will you offer me your protection and accept my guidance so we may join in a bond of mutual respect and care?” Karen’s voice was even and strong, warmth clearly audible as she spoke the words of the traditional pledge of a Guide to a Sentinel. 

Rafael swallowed hard. He hadn’t done that. He hadn’t even thought about applying the ritual words to a mere surface bond, finding the whole thing outdated. But Karen had gone there. She’d gone all out and made the pledge, one she was prepared to repeat at some point in the future when they would bond permanently and Trevor would claim her as his Guide for real. 

Inside the room Karen held out her hands to Trevor and he took them, his hands huge compared to her small, delicate ones. He smiled at her and replied, “I accept your guidance and offer to you my protection. I do so of my own free will without having been pressured or coerced. I promise to be your guard, your companion, your confidant, and your protector. No harm shall come to you under my protection as we join in a bond of mutual respect and care.” Trevor exhaled slowly and closed his eyes. 

Rafael knew that Trevor was likely working hard at letting her in, giving Karen the chance to anchor herself in his mind, bringing the surface bond to life. Karen was benefitting from the fact that Rafael had spent the last three weeks nursing Trevor’s inner Sentinel back to health, making sure he knew he could trust the Guide he was surface bonded to. 

As Rafael watched, Karen inhaled sharply, and a frown appeared on Trevor’s face. Her grip on Trevor’s hands tightened and she gasped. “Oh no. No, no, no,” she murmured at the same time as Trevor started to make an awful, keening noise in the back of his throat and convulsed. 

“Help! Rafael, Damien, help! Something’s wrong! I need help! He’s crashing! Rafael, he’s crashing!” She surged forward and caught Trevor’s body in her arms as he slumped, lowering him down to the mat gently. 

Rafael’s heart beat wildly in his chest as he yanked the door open and crouched down next to Trevor’s unconscious form. Damien ran in right behind him. 

“What happened?” Damien asked, and took Karen in his arms carefully just as Rafael placed his hand on Trevor’s forehead, gently nudging at his mind. 

Trevor was in agony. His mind was in disarray, white hot shards of pain emitting from the place where Karen had tried to establish the surface bond. It felt like a huge, oozing wound, poisoning the surrounding area with psionic energy that felt so hostile and acidic that Rafael instinctively shied away from it. Never once had Trevor’s psionic energy felt like this to Rafael. It had always been warm and welcoming, yielding to Rafael’s own energy with ease. 

Karen was crying, distress coming off of her in huge, miserable waves. “I don’t know what happened but we’re not compatible at all,” she sobbed, clinging to Scott and clearly seeking comfort from the Alpha. “It wasn’t like before when I was buffering him. As soon as I started to connect to his mind, his psionic energy attacked me. It wouldn’t let me establish a surface bond. His mind spiraled out of control when I tried to protect him from the backlash of the psionic attack. I’m sorry, but I don’t think I should even be near him right now. His psionic energy is actively fighting me.”

Damien stared at her in shock, and Rafael was reasonably sure that his own face showed a similar expression. How the hell was that even possible? 

“I can’t surface bond to him at the moment, either,” Rafael said, and did his best to erect a buffer around Trevor’s traumatized mind. He didn’t dare extend his mental touch in fear that Trevor’s psionic energy would start attacking him as well. Instead, he very slowly filled the buffer around Trevor’s mind with _secure_ and _calm_ and _trust_ again, very much like he’d done when he’d first taken over care of Trevor. 

Today’s actions would have far-reaching consequences, that much Rafael knew. There was no telling how long it would take Trevor to come back from his breakdown, and already Rafael could see hives spreading up Trevor’s neck from his shoulders.

His body was in sensory maladjustment again. 

“I think we need to call Blair,” Damien said, and even though Rafael agreed, a sense of dread settled over him at the thought of having to bring in the Alpha Guide Prime. Blair Sandburg was their best chance at figuring out what was going on.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth comes to light about what Trevor really is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Massive thanks, as always, go to my lovely beta [Brumeier](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brumeier/pseuds/Brumeier). She is a source of never ending support.

Blair Sandburg, Alpha Guide Prime of the US, was sitting next to Trevor’s hospital bed, fingertips barely touching the unprotected skin of Trevor’s right wrist. He’d arrived via private plane, sending his Sentinel to get some sleep in one of the SG suites while he went to see Trevor right away. 

Rafael could feel the Alpha Prime’s psionic energy wrapped around Trevor like a fluffy blanket. It felt warm and secure, soothing in a way Rafael had never felt before. There was no doubt in Rafael’s mind that Sandburg was healing Trevor on a level that none of them could even comprehend. Blair’s psionic energy was warm and bright like sunlight streaming through a window. It felt comfortable even experiencing it second hand through his connection to Trevor. 

When Rafael came in, Blair closed the file he had been reading and got up, gesturing for Rafael to follow him outside. 

“Let’s get Damien and Peter and then we can talk. I think I know what’s happening here, Rafael,” Blair said with a small smile, his voice warm as he placed a hand on Rafael’s arm. The touch felt like a gentle caress, a whisper across Rafael’s mind without being intrusive. It was more like a boost of strength than anything else. 

They settled into one of the offices, all eyes expectantly on Sandburg. The Prime sighed a little and then said, “I think I know what’s going on with Trevor. I’ve seen it before, once, a few years ago, but cases like these are not well documented.” He looked apologetic now. “There is a very rare condition among Sentinels that’s been called a ‘ _Contumax_ ’. That’s a Sentinel who comes online for one specific Guide only and can only bond with them, no one else.” Blair looked at them as if he was waiting for the news to sink in. 

Rafael tried to wrap his head around the concept that Trevor was basically _his_ and, if Sandburg’s theory was true, would never be able to bond with any other Guide out there, ever. 

“You think he came online for me. Because I was in danger. And now he can’t bond with anyone but me, no matter if he wants to or not.” Nausea welled up in Rafael, but he fought it down, the implications of that theory making his skin crawl. 

“Yes, that’s what I think has happened. _Contumax_ Sentinels almost always come online late, staying offline until they come in contact with that one compatible Guide. The recognition is subconscious, but it prompts the Sentinel to seek the Guide’s proximity until the Sentinel comes online in reaction to a perceived or real threat to the Guide.” 

Stone sucked in a sharp breath and Scott placed his hand on his Sentinel’s arm, grounding him. They all knew the circumstances under which Trevor had come online, and suddenly even his uninvited meddling into Rafael’s life made sense. 

“Is there anything that can be done about it? Because obviously neither of us consented to be chosen for each other by some sort of genetic aberration. What would happen if we chose not to bond, permanently?” Rafael asked, and dread coiled in his stomach. He didn’t like the idea that Trevor would be forced to stick with him for the rest of his life, whether he wanted to or not. He deserved better. Both of them deserved better than this. 

Sandburg’s gaze grew soft and he sent Rafael another wave of _warmth_ and _security_. “In the past few centuries if, for whatever reason, the Guide was unwilling or unable to enter a bond with the _Contumax_ , the Sentinel died. The documented cases speak of sensory maladjustment, madness, organ failure, and eventual death.” He held up a hand when Rafael and the Alphas sat up in alarm. 

“In this day and age there are things that can be done. Being a _Contumax_ without a Guide is not a death sentence anymore. However, I don’t think we should discuss details of that just yet. Not when this pertains to Trevor more than anyone else. He needs to be part of this conversation.”

“So what you’re saying is basically it’s his life or mine. He’ll die a gruesome death if I don’t bond with him, but if I do, my life as I know it is over, too. I can’t expect to work as an ADA when I have a Sentinel to support.”

“Let’s not jump to conclusions, Rafael,” Stone said calmly. “Blair just said that there are other ways to handle the situation these days. Why don’t we wait until we can talk to Trevor before we think worst case scenarios?” 

“That’s just fucking great,” Rafael murmured. Sandburg and the Alphas knew that Rafael would never be able to let Trevor die. He’d never be able to damn another human being to death just to keep the life he had made for himself. But the thought of losing his independence, his job, the most basic autonomy over his life, was so overwhelming and outright terrifying that for a second Rafael felt like he was suffocating with it. 

Rafael felt both Sandburg and Scott wrap him in psionic energy, soothing his frazzled nerves. “Thanks,” Rafael murmured, and avoided their eyes as embarrassment rushed through him. He really should have himself under better control. 

“You’ve been under a lot of stress these last few weeks, taking care of Trevor. It’s only natural that you’re struggling a bit yourself. The surface bond didn’t allow for enough exchange of energy, and I’d hazard a guess you’re not really opening up your empathy sufficiently either. You’ve been putting all of your psionic energy towards helping Trevor but, whether you realize it or not, you’re starving yourself of empathic feedback.” Blair’s voice was kind, but serious. “I’m gonna fix that, while I fix Trevor.” Sandburg’s tone brooked no argument. “Please change into meditation robes. I’ll meet you in Trevor’s room.”

Rafael nodded mutely, feeling like a chastised child. “Yes, _Prime_ ,” he said quietly, avoiding the eyes of everyone in the room. He got up and left to do as he had been told.

* * *

Rafael opened his eyes, coming back from a deep meditative trance. He could feel Blair’s steady presence behind him, his hand pressed flat against the small of Rafael’s back. With Blair’s help he had been to the spirit plane and had seen his spirit animal again for the first time in decades. Blair had filled Rafael’s mind, his whole being, with so much positive energy, peace and acceptance that Rafael felt better than he could remember ever feeling before. It was as if something inside of him felt finally _right_. 

“You did well, Rafael,” Blair praised as he removed his hand from Rafael’s back and stood. “You have embraced your empathy instead of shutting it off and trying to lock yourself away behind your shields. You allowed yourself the comfort of your spirit animal, something you have been denying yourself for way too long.” Blair pulled the elastic out of his wild mop of curls and pushed his finders through his hair as if to tame it while fixing Rafael with a curious look. 

“May I ask why you’re punishing yourself so much, Rafael? What is it about being a Guide that unsettles you? You’ve clearly been living with bond-longing since you came online, and yet you seem to hate that part of yourself. Why is that? Why are you so unkind to yourself when you clearly have a lot of compassion for others?” 

Rafael sighed. He felt exposed and vulnerable, as if it had taken Blair just one look and now he knew all of Rafael’s secrets. “I don’t like not being in control,” Rafael finally admitted quietly. “I don’t like being driven by instincts. I didn’t choose to be a Guide, I didn’t ask for it. And I don’t like being taken advantage of. Everything I have and everything I am I owe to my hard work and determination.” Rafael clenched his jaw and fought the urge to run from the room to get away from Sandburg’s searching gaze. 

Sandburg smiled. “That’s admirable. I don’t see what it has to do with you being a Guide, though. You’re not controlled by your instincts, Rafael. You’re not victim to some pre-determined fate. No one can take advantage of you if you don’t let them. And ignoring your most natural traits, like your empathy, isn’t going to make them disappear. Bond-longing is perfectly normal for Guides of your level, and it’s not any different than a Sentinel’s need to ground themselves on their Guides. The only difference is that Guides don’t go insane when they don’t bond. Just because bond-longing can be ignored doesn’t mean you should.” 

“Yeah, I should just bond and get it over with, right? And then? Let my Sentinel rule my life while I cater to their every whim? Be maid and servant and emotional punching bag for someone so driven by _their_ instincts that everything else is just white noise? Have you seen Langan? He has nine inches and god knows how much weight on me. I might mentally outweigh him but that won’t mean much under the right circumstances.” 

Blair’s gaze went soft and compassionate, and he sat down across from Rafael on the padded mat. “Is that what it was like for you at home? For your mom? Were the both of you at your father’s mercy? His Guide wife and Guide son at his disposal? Is that why you chose to not be an active Guide? To never be put in such a position again?” 

Anger bubbled up in Rafael’s chest, almost choking in its intensity. “My father was an abusive asshole who thought beating his wife and child was what real men do. He didn’t think he needed anyone or anything, and he hated relying on my mother. He died when he wrapped his car around a tree because he lost control of his senses. It was the best day of my life.”

“I’m sorry that you weren’t safe at home, Rafael,” Blair said, and he sounded sincere. Then as if shifting gears mentally he suddenly asked, “Have you met Jim, my Sentinel?”

Rafael frowned at the change of topic but replied anyway. “No, I haven’t met him in person. But I’ve seen pictures.”

“Jim has quite a few inches and a whole lot of muscle on me. I know for a fact that he can do a fair amount of damage to the human body. But he would sooner cut off his own arm than raise a hand to me. He is hands down the most protective bastard I have ever met. He’d die protecting me. To a Sentinel, a Guide is the most precious thing. I have no clue what went wrong in your father’s brain, but he should have gone dormant as soon as he started hurting Guides. I swear to you, it’s an absolute exception.”

Rafael snorted. “Ain’t I lucky?” 

The door opened, and Alpha Sentinel Prime Jim Ellison stuck his head into the room, looking around searchingly. 

“Hey Chief, what’s up?” he asked as he stepped into the room completely. He tilted his head to listen to Trevor, who was asleep on the other end of the rather spacious SG suite and grinned. “You do know that he’s awake, don’t you?” 

Rafael felt himself blanch. Trevor had been pushed into a deep, near-comatose sleep by Blair for the last day and a half. He didn’t feel awake to Rafael at the moment, either. But if the Prime said he was awake then he most certainly was. 

Had he heard any of what Rafael had said? Did he know just how broken and sick Rafael was inside?

“I’m aware, yes,” Blair replied mildly. “He’s been awake for a while.”

“You tricked me,” Rafael said accusingly, betrayal burning like acid in his chest. Trevor was never supposed to know about any of this. 

“No, I didn’t,” Blair denied. “I never claimed or implied that Trevor was still asleep. I know you wanted to keep this from him, but you can’t. The two of you were surface bonded for three weeks. He has been able to feel how torn up you are inside, but he has no reference points, no way to make sense of this huge gaping hole you’re carrying around. Or the self-loathing. Or the fear. Or the pain. He didn’t know how to read what he could sense in you. I just made sure he got the context.”

“Without my permission,” Rafael snapped. 

Blair’s voice was impossibly gentle when he said, “You gave permission for him to know you when you allowed the surface bond. You can’t expect to bind yourself to him and not have him know you. It’s just not possible.”

“No, Rafael is right,” Trevor suddenly said from the direction of the bed. He sat up and climbed out of bed, padding over to them on bare feet, wearing nothing but a set of rumpled meditation robes. “I should have made him aware that I was listening. He might have been bonded to me but it still should have been his decision if he wanted to actually tell me what the impressions I got were all about. I wasn’t getting that much anyway. He’s been supporting me but at the same time trying to keep away from me as well.” Trevor settled down next to Blair on the mat, across from Rafael. 

“I apologize for invading your privacy, Rafael. It wasn’t my place.” Trevor sounded gentle and sincere. Regretful even. 

Blair threw up his hands. “I swear, you two are the most blind, stubborn, idiotic men I have ever met. And that’s saying a lot.” He threw a glance at his own Sentinel, who just shrugged. 

“What’s with the insults?” Rafael asked, irritably. He didn’t care that this was the Prime he was talking to; he just wanted to curl up somewhere and lick his wounds in peace. He hadn’t meant to reveal any of this to Blair, and certainly not to Trevor. “How about we talk about the situation at hand instead? I’m really curious as to how you’re gonna save Trevor’s life without forcing us into a permanent bond.”

Rafael knew this was a low blow, but he felt hurt and defensive and was lashing out because of it. The look Blair gave him said he knew exactly what was going on. But Trevor looked stricken. 

Crap!

Trevor didn’t know that he was a _Contumax_ yet. He didn’t know about the danger to his life should he not bond to Rafael. And Rafael had just thrown it out there without any regard to his feelings. Fucking great!

“Jim, could you go and get Peter and Damien, please? I think they should be here to hear this. Whatever we decide regarding this situation, we’ll need their help.” Blair looked up at his Sentinel, who nodded.

“Sure thing, Chief,” he said, and went to fetch the Alpha pair.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later Blair had once again explained the concept of a _Contumax_ , this time to make Trevor aware of what was going on. They were all settled comfortably on the mat in the meditation area, but pillows and bean bags had been added, making it appear more like a relaxing sitting area than the very functional space it had been before. 

Scott was on a huge bean bag, his Sentinel on the floor between his legs, back resting against the bean bag and head leaned against Scott’s left thigh. It was the most relaxed, intimate, and almost peaceful Rafael had seen the Alpha pair look, ever. Scott’s hand was carding through Stone’s hair gently, a gesture clearly meant to soothe and ground. 

Sandburg and Ellison were also sitting together, Ellison in an almost lazy sprawl while Sandburg was in front of him, left hand slipped just inside the hem of Ellison’s pant leg, touching bare skin. Another subtle grounding going on. 

Trevor, who had been pacing a little when their conversation had started, clearly crawling with energy he didn’t know what to do with but also anxious as hell – Rafael could tell – had sat down, hard, at the edge of the mat, his back now resting against one of the walls. He looked green around the gills and his mental landscape, as much as Rafael had access to through the buffer he had still up around him, had taken on an awful tint of shame and guilt again. And fear. 

“How do we fix this? What’s the plan? There’s got to be a plan, right?” Trevor asked, and the hint of desperation in his voice cut through Rafael like a knife. 

“You have two options,” Blair began. The Prime was the picture of calm and controlled, the proverbial rock in a stormy sea. It was weird, feeling just how utterly _balanced_ Sandburg’s emotions were, the Guide aura he was emitting was practically oozing a sense of _serene_. Rafael briefly wondered if that was why the Alphas were so mellow. Maybe they had learned to give into the calming tone of a room when it was offered. 

“The easiest and most obvious solution would be for you to surface bond again, but this time with the clear intention to extend the connection to a full-fledged bond shortly after. It would not only completely stabilize Trevor, it would also take care of the disrupted empathic flow Rafael has been dealing with. You would be like any other bonded SG pair, with the exception that for you it would have to be a permanent solution and I would assume that, should Rafael die first, Trevor would likely follow within hours. There’s just no way of stabilizing Trevor in any other manner.” Blair’s voice was still calm and matter-of-fact. It was clear he wasn’t putting any judgment onto the options, he was just listing them as he saw them, with all pros and cons they entailed. 

“And the second option?” Trevor asked. He looked uncomfortable with option one and Rafael had a fairly good guess why that was. 

“The second option is a lot more drastic and far reaching,” Blair stated, and Rafael suppressed a snort. Yeah, right. What could be more drastic and far reaching than being forced to bond to someone you didn’t choose by some twisted joke of nature? 

“I can force Trevor offline again,” Blair said in a quiet voice. 

Stone and Scott’s heads came up in alarm, and a muscle in Ellison’s jaw twitched. Trevor just looked stricken. 

“I didn’t think that was possible,” Stone said, and his voice was somewhere between awe and terror. “Even suppressants don’t take us completely offline. They just dampen our abilities enough to function more or less without being in agony.”

Sandburg sighed. “It is possible, but it takes an enormous amount of power and control. I don’t advertise that I can do it, mainly to avoid people being scared of me. It’s not without risks – if done wrong I could give Trevor brain damage to the point where he ends up in a vegetative state. But as I said, it can be done, and I actually have done it, once before. The Sentinel in question has gone back to her old life and has never looked back.” Sandburg’s gaze dropped to the mat in front of himself before he slowly looked at each of them, clearly conscious about what he had just revealed. 

“For it to work, Trevor would have to be sedated before I enter his mind, force his psionic energy back, and contain it within him. Then we would immediately start IV suppressants that would serve to keep the barrier around his psionic energy intact. He would be kept in a healing coma for about three days and would likely need another three to five days to recover. Trevor would need to take suppressants for the rest of his life so the containment around his psionic energy remains intact. In addition, Rafael would need to take mild suppressants, so your psionic signature won’t trigger Trevor again. Also, one of you needs to move. You should not be in close proximity ever again or the containment might break, and Trevor would come online in what I suspect would be a very painful and traumatic event.”

Sandburg had delivered his speech in the same neutral and calm tone as he had used before, but the words felt like glass shards in Rafael’s chest. 

“It would also knock you on your ass, Chief,” Ellison chimed in. “Last time it took you out for four whole days. They should know just how much psionic energy you would be wielding.”

Trevor was shaking, a fine shiver that took over his whole body, and Rafael went over to him and put a hand around his wrist, pushing _calm_ and _comfort_ into the buffer surrounding Trevor’s mind. 

“When do we have to decide? How… how much time do I have with Rafael buffering me before I get problems?” he asked, his gaze firmly on Blair. 

“I can stay and buffer you too, for another couple of days, but my best guess is three days, maybe four, before a mere buffer won’t be enough anymore and you’ll start going into sensory distress.” Blair sounded apologetic. 

Trevor huffed out a mirthless laugh. “So three days to decide in what way I would like to ruin both of our lives. That’s just great. Either I chain Rafael to me forever, something he is terrified of for obvious reasons, and make us both miserable in the process. Or I go offline, give up my senses, my job, and move across the country, as far away from Rafael a possible, while forcing him to take drugs he never wanted to use in the first place. Of course, that means only if I make it out of the procedure with my brain still intact. Oh, and to top it all off, I’ll incapacitate the Prime for about a week. Lovely options.” He shuddered, his next inhale sounding like an almost-sob. 

He pushed to his feet abruptly and almost toppled over Rafael in the process. Rafael let go of him, fear for Trevor like ice in his veins. Trevor rushed towards the bathroom. When he reached the door he said, “I can’t do this right now. Please leave. I need some time alone.” He entered the bathroom and a second later the door locked, leaving everyone staring after him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Damien helps Rafael sort out his feelings and a few tough choices have to be made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bru, you're the best!

“I thought I’d find you here.” Damien stepped into the small meditation room Rafael had chosen to retreat into. He had a tablet with him, and gently closed the door after himself. His whole demeanor was calm and quiet, his Guide aura as soothing as the mediation room itself. With the lights turned low and soothing nature sounds coming from speakers hidden inside the walls, the room was the perfect environment to center oneself and calm down. And Rafael needed all the calmness he could get; the talk about their options regarding the situation had been upsetting, to say the least. 

“What can I do for you, Alpha?” Rafael asked as Damien settled next to him on the mat, his Guide aura so strong it seemed to brush against Rafael almost like a caress. The Alpha was clearly up to something and Rafael wasn’t sure if he was ready to deal with whatever it was Damien had to say. 

“I just thought we could talk for a moment. I’m worried about you,” Damien said. He placed the tablet on the floor next to him and looked at Rafael with something akin to compassion. 

“There’s no need to be worried about me, Alpha,” Rafael replied, feeling a sense of dread despite Damien’s obvious attempts at putting him at ease. “I won’t let Trevor risk his life for me. Not when the whole thing can go away by just bonding. I’ll be fine. _We_ will be fine. I’m sure we can work something out. Maybe I can work with him at his firm. I’ll do everything I can to make sure he won’t do the stupid, reckless thing I’m sure he’s considering. He’s a great Sentinel. Talented, enthusiastic, kind. He’ll do well in the SG community.” 

Damien frowned and tilted his head. “It sounds like you’re planning on sacrificing yourself for Trevor’s chance at being a Sentinel.”

Rafael rolled his eyes at him. “That’s a bit overdramatic, don’t you think? It’s not as if _I’m_ the one risking brain damage here.”

“Is it, really? Overdramatic I mean. You’re convinced that you’ll be giving up your life in order for Trevor to be able to have what he deserves. What do you deserve, Rafael?” Damien’s eyes seemed to stare right down to Rafael’s soul. It made him shiver. 

Rafael looked away from Damien’s searching gaze and huffed. “When has this ever been about what we deserve?” Rafael rubbed his face. He was bone tired and weary and he just wanted this whole situation to go away. But it wouldn’t. Nothing would make it go away. 

“Do you know what I do for a living?” Damien asked after a few more moments of tense silence. 

Rafael stared at him in surprise. What the hell was this all about? “I have no idea what you are talking about,” Rafael said irritably. 

Damien grinned. “It’s an easy enough question, Rafael. Do you know what I do for a living?” 

“You know I do,” Rafael replied. Scott was running a successful security company. They’d talked about it in passing over lunch with Stone once or twice. It’d been on the news, too, shortly after Scott and Stone had taken over the New York area as Alphas. Rafael still didn’t have any clue where this conversation was going. What had Scott’s ability to run his company practically remotely over the phone and computer to do with anything?

“Good, so you know that I actually do have a job other than pampering Mikey day and night, right?” There was gentle amusement in his voice and it made Rafael irrationally angry. Just because Damien made a few phone calls and sent a few mails while sharing space with his Sentinel didn’t mean he wasn’t actually supporting Stone. Or wasn’t there for him. Available, just in case. 

“Is that what this talk is all about? You convincing me that my life won’t be over if I bond with Trevor? That he won’t be a needy, clingy attention seeker all day every day, and that it’s okay if I just go about my days like I did before, with no care or concern for my Sentinel? Is that what you’re saying?” Rafael’s anger spiked. 

“That’s exactly what I’m saying. Aside from the fact that needy and clingy are hardly attributes I would describe Trevor with. But that’s beside the point. What I’m trying to tell you is that, aside from being bonded to him, nothing has to change in your professional life. You are not his servant and Sentinels are not helpless. I don’t know how I can make you believe that.” 

“Don’t think you can. And you don’t have to sell this to me, you know? I already told you that I would do it. I’ll offer him a bond and I’ll make damn sure he accepts it. I won’t have him risking his life like some imbecile just to spare me some imagined pain. I told you, we’ll be fine.” Rafael clenched his jaw and looked Damien straight in the eyes. 

Something like fond amusement rushed over Damien’s face, setting Rafael’s teeth on edge. “You’re very protective of him. You ever wonder why? It’s a two- way street, by the way. Sentinels are incredibly protective of us, too. It’s what landed you in the current situation in the first place, isn’t it? Trevor trying to protect you; it’s what pushed him online. But he’s done it before? Voiced his concern for you?” The look Damien gave him was almost speculative. 

“He caused a scene in front of the courthouse back when the threats started,” Rafael replied. He knew Damien knew it. Rafael’s protective detail had been instructed and vetted by the Alpha pair. 

“Have you ever really paid attention to a Sentinel protecting their Guide?” Damien asked, and Rafael frowned at him, once more confused by Damien’s apparent change of topic.

“I’m not sure I follow,” Rafael said carefully. Things like these were all part of Guide training. There were educational videos and courses on Sentinel-Guide interaction. And of course Rafael had witnessed Trevor going feral after coming online not quite six weeks ago. 

Damien reached for the tablet he had brought and selected a file. “I shouldn’t really show this to you cause technically I shouldn’t even have this file, but I think you should see it anyway,” he said, and tapped the screen. It was a video of a combat situation. A firefight. Stone and Scott, a little younger, obviously during their time in the military. In the video Stone pushed Scott out of the way of a bullet and it hit his own shoulder instead. 

The video ended and Damien started another one, different location, different weapons, but the sentiment was basically the same – Stone covering a barely conscious Scott with his own body to protect him from flying shrapnel. 

Rafael felt nauseous. These were nothing like the usually heavily edited and aesthetically cut videos the media and the Centers were showing. 

The third, fourth and fifth videos weren’t of Scott and Stone, but pairs Rafael didn’t know. It didn’t matter though. It was the same, over and over. A Sentinel stepping between his Guide and an agitated, aggressive drunk. A Sentinel who was obviously an ER doctor deflecting a blow meant for his Guide who seemed to be a fellow doctor. His assailant slashed his arm open with a scalpel as the Sentinel hid his Guide behind himself. An elderly Sentinel punching a would-be-robber in the nose because he tried to steal his Guide’s purse. 

“And then there’s this,” Damien said, and pulled up another video. Rafael was weary of what he might see but to his complete surprise it was a video of the court house, of himself and Trevor and the assailants. In the video Trevor’s body went rigid when he realized that Rafael was in danger. Then he moved with impressive speed and pushed the heavy conference table into the nearest of Rafael’s attackers, felling him. He tilted his head and Damien froze the frame before zooming in. 

On the screen Trevor was wearing an expression of fierce determination, but Rafael could see the underlying fear. Fear for him. For Rafael’s safety. 

“That’s what a Sentinel’s protective instinct looks like, right there,” Damien said softly. 

Something in Rafael’s chest clenched. 

“Why are you showing this to me?” Rafael asked when he was sure he had his voice under control. 

“Because I know that you’re scared, Rafael. You’re scared that bonding to Trevor will give him control over you, that he’ll take over your life, take away your autonomy, but that’s just not true.” Damien’s voice was as gentle as the aura he was emitting. It seemed to not only caress Rafael now, but envelop him, wrap him up and make him feel safe. 

“Think about what you’ve learned about Trevor so far. Think about the person he is when he’s with you. About the way he acts, the way he looks at you. Think about the way he _feels_ to you, through the bond you shared. Really think about it. Don’t let your past experiences color your judgment, but see what’s really there. Trevor is nothing like your father, Rafael.”

Rafael looked at Damien wearily. Was the Alpha trying to make this whole thing easier on him? Rafael had already agreed to bonding. What was this all about? Damien was silent, just quietly watching him, and Rafael closed his eyes to avoid his gaze. He tried to recall what he had felt from Trevor since the first confrontation to the moment he had fled the room mere hours ago. 

It had started out with worry. Worry and slight irritation. Maybe some confusion. Rafael remembered being surprised about that, back then, on the stairs right in front of the courthouse. Then, later, after coming online, after all the anger and confusion and worry for Rafael there was gratitude, and shame, and finally some sort of sadness when Rafael left him in the hands of the Center personnel. 

Rafael frowned. He’d felt those emotions from Trevor but they hadn’t truly registered. Not then. All Rafael cared about was getting out of there and on with his life. Trevor was someone else’s problem. 

Then, almost four weeks ago, when he had been called to aid Trevor, there had been so many emotions in him Rafael had trouble sorting them all. More gratitude, along with shame and embarrassment, so much longing it had almost choked Rafael until he managed to separate himself from it. Then there had been acceptance and cautious happiness, along with a feeling Rafael couldn’t quite name. Something warm and comfortable mixed with a feeling of contentment and rightness. Maybe the Sentinel part in Trevor had known all along that Rafael was his one true fit. The one to balance him and keep him safe. The one he could safely seek shelter with and be welcomed and accepted. 

The thought startled Rafael. It wasn’t just Trevor’s feelings he needed to take into consideration. Up until now Rafael had thought that everything he had done was because he was a Guide and his Guide instincts had reacted to a Sentinel in distress. Trevor’s apparent need, his vulnerability, the way he tried to ask for as little as possible even though he was clearly longing for support so badly – it was what Rafael had thought had made it so easy for him to offer his help. 

But had it been that, really?

Rafael thought about how he had reacted to Trevor’s recap of the events that had led to him being called in. How’d thought that he wouldn’t mind supporting and protecting Trevor, how he wouldn’t mind healing the wounds those other Guides had inflicted. Back then Rafael had put the feeling down to the fact that it felt good to be needed and wanted, that giving into his Guide instincts that told him to protect the vulnerable Sentinel wasn’t a bad thing. 

But then Karen had arrived. And Rafael remembered how confused he had felt, how unbalanced. He’d tried to tell himself it was just worry for Trevor’s emotional and physical safety, that he just didn’t want to see Trevor hurt again, but in light of his other emotions before that moment, Rafael suddenly doubted that was the case. Yes, he was worried for Trevor, no question, but there was something else. There had been something uncomfortable inside of him, something nasty and painful and almost hostile towards Karen, who had been nothing but kind and supportive, with only Trevor’s best interests at heart. 

“Have you figured it out yet?” Damien’s voice was warm but tinted with gentle amusement. 

“Figured out what?” Rafael asked and opened his eyes. His mind shied away from the implications of what his feelings were trying to tell him. 

“Have you figured out that you’ve been falling in love with your Sentinel from the moment you agreed to aid him?” Damien asked quietly, not a trace of ridicule or teasing in his voice. 

“That’s not-. I’m not-” Rafael stammered. It couldn’t be, could it? He hadn’t been slowly falling in love with the guy he had been surface bonded to for three weeks. Even Rafael couldn’t be _that_ blind. 

Damien grinned. “You sure about that? Cause when I told you about Karen you felt like you were about to explode with jealous rage. You had yourself under control remarkably well when you interacted with her, I’ll give you that.” 

Rafael swallowed hard. “Do you think it’s my fault? That Karen couldn’t-” He took a deep breath and started again. “Is it my fault that Karen couldn’t bond to him? Did I do that?” 

Damien’s eyebrows rose in surprise and then he frowned. “Do I think that you’re responsible for the fact that you’re the only one who can bond to him? Of course not! You didn’t make him a _Contumax_. He’s been that way all of his life. That you fell in love with him has nothing to do with what he is.”

“I think I need some time to-”

A knock on the door interrupted Rafael, and Stone poked his head into the room. 

“Guys, Trevor would like to talk to us. Let’s see what he’s got to say.” And he was gone again. 

Rafael sighed. So much for needing time to process. 

He pushed to his feet and followed Stone to Trevor’s room.

* * *

Trevor was standing in the meditation area, hands clasped behind his back. He had changed into different robes; his hair was neat, and his bearing almost regal as he waited for everyone to arrive. 

The tone of his skin was shallow though, dark shadows lingering like bruises under his eyes, and there was a deep-seated pain in him that wasn’t physical but not any less real than a visible injury would be. With a startled gasp Rafael realized that Trevor was _grieving_. 

“I made my decision,” Trevor said as soon as everyone was present. “Blair, I would like for you to take me offline. I hope that with the help of the Alphas I can arrange for a move somewhere across the country. I’m sorry you’ll have to take drugs as well, Rafael, I know that’s not what you wanted.”

“If that’s what you-”

“No! Absolutely not! What the hell?” Rafael interrupted Sandburg and stared at Trevor. His heart was beating wildly in his chest and there was a lump forming in his throat. “I won’t let you risk your fucking life! Trevor, have you lost your mind? I didn’t keep you alive and sane just so you can throw it all away. I won’t let you do that! You’re a fantastic Sentinel. You can’t let Blair cripple you!”

“It’s not your decision to make, Rafael.” Trevor’s voice was tight with anger but deadly quiet. “And I won’t be the one to hurt you. I won’t force myself on you just so I get to keep being a Sentinel. That’s not how it works. If you’re miserable in this bond, I will be too. That’s not exactly what I call a good solution.”

“You’re not forcing me to do anything,” Rafael hissed. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Stone move, probably to intervene, but Scott held him back. “I volunteer, okay? I consent to the bond. I’m not letting you risk your life for nothing. Stop acting like an idiot.” Anger was still burning in Rafael, bright and painful.

“Oh, now I’m an idiot. That’s just great. I thought you said I’m gonna be a whiny, clingy attention seeker. All day. Every day,” Trevor spat, anger and just so much hurt coming off of him in huge waves. 

Behind them, Scott cursed and Stone growled. Rafael felt himself blanch. “You heard me? You heard what I said? Have you been listening to me all along?”

“Of course I heard you, Rafael. You’re my Guide, god dammit. Sometimes I tune in on your voice or your heartbeat. I can’t help it. I’m a Sentinel.” He exhaled shakily, and a wave of utter misery hit Rafael square in the chest. “At least at the moment,” he whispered. 

“I think it would be best-” Blair sounded way too calm and reasonable for Rafael’s taste. He was going to agree to this. He was going to take Trevor away from him. 

“No. No we need to talk about this. Trevor, if you listened to that part you heard the rest, too, right? You heard what Damien and I talked about?” Rafael was getting frantic. If Trevor had heard him, had listened to them discussing how he had been falling in love, maybe Rafael could still make this right. Maybe he could still convince Trevor that he wanted to be bonded to him. 

Trevor shook his head lightly. “No, no I didn’t. I couldn’t-” He swallowed hard, a pinched look around his eyes and pain written all over him. It was cloying and thick, suffocating in its intensity as it seemed to flood every last corner of the connection Rafael still had to Trevor. “I lost control over my hearing shortly after that. I don’t think I can use any of my senses without a bond.” There was something so fundamentally sad and aching in his voice that Rafael felt like he had been kicked in the gut. 

“Doesn’t matter anyway.” Trevor said after taking another deep breath. “I’m not bonding with you. I don’t need a martyr as my Guide. You can save your self-sacrificing act for someone else.”

“Are you not listening?” Rafael snapped, fear gripping at him like sharp claws sinking into his chest. “I’m not a martyr, for god’s sake. I _want_ to bond with you.” 

“Yeah, right,” Trevor said, and he sounded bitter now. Resigned. He put his hands on his hips and raised his chin. “Why should I believe you? Huh?”

“Because I’m in love with you and it scares the crap out of me!” Rafael yelled, losing control over his own feelings while being swamped with so much of Trevor’s pain he could barely think straight. 

Trevor looked about as startled as the rest of the people in the room. Rafael felt horrified that he had actually dropped the news on Trevor like that. 

“I think that’s our cue,” Blair said, warm amusement in his voice. “They’ll be fine.”

Rafael was dimly aware of all of them leaving so he was alone with Trevor, who looked like he’d seen a ghost. 

The pain in him had receded a bit but it had been replaced with confusion and more anger and above all, insecurity. Trevor was obviously completely out of his depth. 

“Did you mean it?” Trevor asked after a moment of tense silence between them. “Did you mean it or is this just another attempt of yours to make me do what you want?”

Rafael swallowed hard. When had he lost Trevor’s trust? 

“I meant it. It’s true. I swear it’s true. I … I only just figured it out, myself. But Damien, and I assume the Prime, too, apparently have known for a while. I just didn’t want to admit to myself that what I felt when you tried to bond to Karen was jealousy. Or that I wanted to keep you to myself indefinitely. I’m not sure when it happened, either. But Damien seems to think it started as early as me agreeing to aid you. I’m sorry, Trevor.” Rafael sat down heavily on the mat and rubbed his hands over his face. This was a mess. And just because he now could admit to having fallen in love with Trevor didn’t mean that Trevor had changed his mind. 

“What are you sorry for?” Trevor asked as he settled himself onto the mat across from Rafael. “Sorry that you tried to tell me what I could and couldn’t do with my life?” He frowned a little. “Sorry that you think you know better than me what’s good for my life, for my future? Sorry that you’re trying to use your feelings for me to get me to do what you want? What is it that you are sorry for, Rafael?” 

“I’m sorry for yelling at you. And for making it sound like you’re not allowed to make choices for your own life. I’m … I’m scared of you getting hurt. I’m scared of losing you, even though I know I have no right to you. I just want you to know that you don’t have to say no to a bond because of me. You can have that option. You …” Rafael broke off, desperately searching for the words to make Trevor understand. 

“I know you’re protective of me. I know you think that, because I never wanted a bond until now that I’m not sincere when I say I want this. But I do. I honestly didn’t know myself how much I want this, _us_. I never felt like wanting to make it work. And I’m scared of that, too.”

“What happens if you realize you don’t want to be bonded to me after all? What then? What if you realize that your feelings were wrong, just…” Trevor trailed off and waved his hands about. “Just desperation and a hefty dose of Guide instinct? It’s not as if Sentinels are the only ones who are protective. What do we do then?” 

Rafael sighed. “When we realize somewhere down the line that we truly can’t be with each other anymore, then there’s still time to let Sandburg fry your brain if that is what you really want. I won’t try to stop you, I promise. I’m sure that if he can force you offline, breaking our bond first wouldn’t be a problem at all.” 

“I’m not a toy, Rafael. Or some sort of charity project,” Trevor said quietly. He stared down at his folded hands in his lap. “If you really want to bond with me, I need to know that you’re doing it for the right reasons. I need to know you’re not doing this out of some sense of obligation, or guilt, or because you think it’s the less traumatic choice to make. Believe me, it’s not. We can have a clean cut now. Blair can take me offline, I can move away, we never have to see each other again, and you can go back to life as you knew it. Bonding only to break the bond later will just be delaying the inevitable.” 

“So, you’re rejecting me?” Rafael asked and his voice broke. Tears stung in his eyes, but he willed them away, horrified by the idea of breaking down in front of Trevor and having his Sentinel think it was all just an act to get him to agree to bonding. All for show, none of it real. “You really don’t want to be bonded to me.” The thought hurt more than Rafael had anticipated. 

Trevor looked up through his lashes, his eyes glassy and full of pain and regret. “It’s not about what I want, it’s about what will cause both of us the least damage in the long run. You’re _terrified_ of this whole bonding business, Rafael. You’re convinced I will turn into some high maintenance … troll, dictating your life and demanding you’re at my beck and call. You and the Alphas have spent three weeks making sure that I’m as independent and stable as possible, that I can deal with everyday life on my own if need be, yet when you say you want to bond with me you fully expect to give up the life you know. It’s not gonna work, Rafael, not when deep down you expect me to turn on you.” 

“You’re wrong,” Rafael said. “Yes, I did think that, and I did feel that way about bonding. I would have gone through with it and offered anyway to make sure you’re safe, but yes, I expected to give up my life for you. To be your Guide, to be whatever you need me to be, 24/7 if necessary.” It was a hard truth to admit to, but Rafael knew that if he wasn’t honest now, he would lose Trevor for good. 

“Damien told me to really think about the way you behave around me. He told me to think about how you _feel_ to me, and I did. And do you know what I realized? He’s right. You are _nothing_ like my father. And you just proved that to me again. You would rather risk your own health than see me hurt. I just wish I could make you believe that I’m not scared anymore. I fell in love with you.” Rafael’s voice broke and he turned his head away, unwilling to let Trevor see the tears that were stinging in his eyes once more. Dammit to all hell he would _not_ cry! “And I want to be your Guide.” 

Trevor’s right hand came up and cupped Rafael’s neck gently, coaxing him into looking at Trevor again. Rafael wanted to turn his face into him, wanted to nuzzle the warm skin pressed against his own. Instead he looked at Trevor, questioningly. 

“Then show me,” Trevor whispered. 

Rafael’s mind was completely blank for a second. “Show you?” He wasn’t sure what Trevor meant, wasn’t sure that he knew what was going on at all any more. 

Trevor smiled at him, just a tiny upturn of his lips and said, “Rafael, you have been buffering, calming, soothing and supporting me for over three weeks. What do you think I mean?”

Oh. Trevor wanted Rafael to open up his empathy completely instead of just Rafael feeding him specific emotions in carefully dosed increments. Trevor wanted to _feel_ that Rafael was telling the truth. 

Rafael allowed himself a tiny smile, too. It would be intense and possibly overwhelming for Trevor. It would also be very intense for Rafael, who had never before shared his own emotions on such a scale. 

“Come here,” Rafael said gently. He moved a little closer to Trevor and then reached out and cupped his head in both hands. He tugged Trevor forward carefully until Trevor’s forehead rested against his own. Then he closed his eyes. 

“Relax. Breathe. I’m not gonna hurt you,” Rafael promised. Technically, any kind of physical contact would have done, but somehow the closeness and symbolism of their foreheads touching made it easier for Rafael to let go of the last of his mental barriers and grant access to his innermost feelings. 

With a slow and steady exhale Rafael mentally peeled away the layers protecting him and poured all the tenderness, the confusion, insecurity, protectiveness, the joy at having found Trevor, his determination to make things work between them, and all of his newly discovered love into his connection with Trevor. He held nothing back and gave Trevor access to parts of himself usually only a bonded mate was granted. 

Trevor gasped and started to shake, clearly on the verge of being overwhelmed by Rafael’s emotions so Rafael started to slowly pull his layers back up while making it clear he wasn’t pulling back from Trevor but making sure that Trevor didn’t get overwhelmed by having to deal with more emotional input than he could handle. They weren’t bonded yet, Rafael wouldn’t be able to protect him from overstimulation the same way he could have if the bond had been established. 

When their connection dimmed down to a mere simmer, only slightly more than the buffer Rafael had up around Trevor at all times, Trevor started to keen. 

Rafael shifted and petted his hair soothingly. “Hey, no, no, it’s okay. Shh. It’s okay. You’ll get it all back when we bond. I promise. But right now, I need to make sure I’m not frying any of your synapses with an empathic overload, okay? I promise I won’t hide from you again, ever. You have my word. All of this, all of my emotions, all of my mental barriers, they will be yours. After we bond my mind will be your sanctuary. I’ll keep you safe.”

When Trevor pulled back there was a small shiver running through him and his eyes were moist. “So this was …” he trailed off, obviously lost for words. 

“This was me giving you access to a place in my mind only my mate is allowed to claim as their own,” Rafael said quietly. “This was me with all my walls down. It won’t be as chaotic once we’re bonded and I can keep you safe from empathic overload. But yes, that’s it, basically.”

“Thank you,” Trevor said, and when his large, warm hand came up to cup Rafael’s face this time, he did turn into the caress and pressed a soft kiss to Trevor’s palm. 

Trevor’s breath caught, and his thumb started to stroke Rafael’s cheek gently. Then he slowly leaned forward, giving Rafael every opportunity to pull away. Instead, Rafael let his eyes fall closed, heart beating wildly in his chest as he waited for Trevor to kiss him for the first time. 

Trevor’s lips were warm and almost hesitant as he pressed a soft kiss against Rafael’s mouth. The kiss was slow and sweet, probably too gentle, but Rafael just wanted to savor the moment. The first kiss was important. It was the first time that Trevor, if he chose to do so, could imprint taste on Rafael. 

When they finally broke the kiss, Trevor leaned his forehead against Rafael’s again, a gesture so intimate and full of trust it momentarily took Rafael’s breath away. Usually Sentinels buried their faces in the Guide’s neck or shoulders because it served as a way to scent the Guide as well. Their current position, especially considering their height difference, wasn’t the most practical or common, but it was undeniably Rafael’s favorite. 

“So, how fast can we bond?” Trevor murmured, and Rafael huffed out a laugh. 

“Blair said we should go for a surface bond again, first, and then after a couple of days we can progress to a full bond. But, we can probably start tomorrow? We should ask the Alphas and Blair about it.” Rafael felt ridiculously happy about the prospect of bonding. It was kind of ironic. If one week ago anyone had told Rafael he would be looking forward to binding himself to a Sentinel, Rafael would have had them committed. 

Now he could barely wait. Tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to bond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks go as always to Bru, who is just patient and kind and the best friend and beta a person could wish for. Thank you! This chapter is fluff and smut and .... well, you'll see. Please don't be angry at me for the almost-cliffhanger. All remaining mistakes are mine and mine alone. I own nothing, I just want to play with them.

Rafael closed his eyes and breathed out slowly. Trevor’s hands were warm in his and he was feeling happy and utterly content to Rafael. At peace, even. They were kneeling on the mat again, across from each other, and this time Rafael had chosen to do things the right way. The proper way.

There had been pledges. The same pledges Karen and Trevor had exchanged. Traditional pledges that spoke of commitment, of protection and care. Rafael had thought them outdated and useless but saying those words had given him such immense pleasure and a sense of belonging he had never felt before. 

Now there they were, physically connected, with Trevor’s mind open and welcoming, not a hint of resistance, mistrust or fear to be found. He was putting himself into Rafael’s hands completely. 

Gently, like he had done before, Rafael mapped Trevor’s mind, brushing over the places he would anchor himself with love and tenderness. This time when he started the bond it would be forever. This time, he would get to merge with Trevor in a way that was intimate beyond words. The surface bond he was about to create would be turned into a full-fledged bond and they would be two parts of a whole, Sentinel and Guide united the way it was supposed to be. 

“There you are,” Trevor whispered, happiness and a hint of amusement in his voice as Rafael started to carefully anchor himself in Trevor’s mind, wrapping him up in comfort and love and reassurance. It was different this time, more thorough and a lot deeper than the first surface bond had been. Rafael wasn’t holding anything back and he was granted unlimited access by Trevor in return, no hint of hesitation.

“Wow, this is amazing.” Trevor’s voice was full of awe and wonder and so, so much love. He was welcoming Rafael, cementing their fledgling bond by wrapping the points that connected Rafael to him in the mental equivalent of vines wrapping around their bond, holding on. The bond quickly grew stronger and deeper and Rafael consciously had to slow down and stop feeding more of himself into the bond so they didn’t slip into a full bond by accident. 

“Trevor, slow down. It’s okay. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere,” Rafael soothed as he felt Trevor cling tight and hold on to his mental presence. 

“No, don’t. Don’t pull away. Please.” Trevor’s voice was soft and pleading, and he slipped his right hand out of Rafael’s hold. 

Surprised, Rafael opened his eyes. Trevor’s hand cupped the side of Rafael’s face, his thumb stroking gently, and there as a look of such longing and love on Trevor’s face that it took Rafael’s breath away for a second. “Trevor? What’s going on?” Rafael murmured. 

“Please don’t stop now,” Trevor said, a quiet plea for something Rafael hadn’t figured out quite yet. 

“I’m not going to leave you again, Trevor. I’m here. It’s all right,” Rafael reassured him again. 

“I know, but I want-” Trevor broke off and took a deep breath. There was a hint of insecurity creeping into their bond, slow but persistent. “I know we said we’d wait a couple of days, but I’ve changed my mind. I want a full bond, now. Please. I know… I know it’s not what we agreed to, but I can feel you aching and now I’m aching, too. I need you to fill that empty place in my chest, in my mind. Please?”

“You get that from me?” Rafael asked, slightly panicked. “You can feel my bond-longing? Oh god, I’m so sorry, Trevor. I didn’t know that would happen.” 

“Hey, no. No, it’s okay, I don’t mind feeling you. But I want you to stop hurting so much. And I need you closer. Please, Rafael. Let’s just bond properly. We’ve been surface bonded for three weeks already, we know what to expect. I want this bond. And I kind of hope you want it, too.” He looked equal parts sheepish and flirty, which was a ridiculous combination, and Rafael grinned. 

“I do want that,” Rafael replied truthfully. “I want to be fully bonded to you.” He looked over his shoulder to where Blair was standing on the other side of the observation window. They had asked him to observe their attempt at surface bonding, not wanting to take any risks. Having the Prime there in case something went wrong seemed like the smart thing to do. 

Blair nodded at Rafael, once, and a second later the observation window turned opaque.

“Wow. Uh, what now?” Trevor asked, and let go of Rafael completely. “Do you … do you want a platonic bond or-?”

“And lose out on having you fuck me silly? Not a chance. I hope you’re prepared to do the deed, Langan,” Rafael teased. They hadn’t talked about the nature of the bond they wanted to have starting out, figuring they still had time to discuss it later. It was entirely possible to bond platonically and never move beyond that, or to start out with a platonic bond and add the sexual component later. But most pairs just opted to fuck each other’s brains out since it was the most thorough and fun way to bond. 

Trevor chuckled. “Works for me. Wanna take this to bed?” He looked at Rafael expectantly. 

“Oh yes, definitely. I’m not making out on the floor like horny teenagers,” Rafael said, and shot Trevor a mild glare. “I’m way too old for that kind of thing.”

Trevor stood and offered Rafael a hand up, which he accepted. “Do we have lube?” Trevor asked as he made his way to the observation window and closed the blinds to truly ensure their privacy. Then he walked over and locked the door. Rafael smiled. His Sentinel was already taking care of him, protecting him from prying eyes. 

“I think so. This is a fully stocked medical suite, even if it looks more like a fancy hotel room. But I remember the medical staff had everything at hand whenever you needed it. It should be around here somewhere.” Rafael began to pull open drawers until he found the tube of medical lube he had suspected would be on hand. 

“Got it. No condoms, though. Is that a problem? I know I’m clean and you’ve been tested, poked and prodded for weeks now, I’m sure you’re good, too. But if you’d rather wait and scent mark me instead that-” Rafael broke off with a gasp when Trevor’s hands suddenly landed on his upper arms, Trevor’s warm body pressed up against him, his mouth right next to Rafael’s right ear. 

“As tempting as coming all over you to make sure you smell like me sounds, I think I’d rather come inside you, Rafael,” he whispered, hot breath ghosting over Rafael’s skin.

“God, yes,” Rafael hissed, and tilted his head to give Trevor better access to his neck. 

“I haven’t done a full imprint yet,” Trevor murmured as he started to nip and lick the skin just beneath Rafael’s right ear. “I thought a four-sense imprint would be enough for now, but I was wrong. I want to taste you, all of you.” 

Rafael groaned when Trevor buried his face in his neck, trailing a row of tiny kisses along the collar of his bonding robes. “You can do that. I’m all yours, Trevor. You can have whatever you want.” 

“Mmmh, I like the sound of that,” Trevor said, and his big, warm hands found their way underneath the hem of Rafael’s top, leaving a burning trail all along Rafael’s skin. “Can I take that off?”

Rafael chuckled lightly. “I hadn’t planned on staying clothed for our bonding sex, Trevor,” he said. 

“Good, that means I can do a thorough imprint on you,” Trevor murmured. 

A shiver ran through Rafael at the thought of Trevor mapping his body, committing it to memory, making it his baseline, turning Rafael into the center of his universe. Of course, that was what Sentinels did, what bonding was all about, but it had never felt this enormous to Rafael, this … fundamentally life changing. Maybe that was also part of why Rafael had shied away from the idea of bonding. With Trevor, though, the idea of being his sole focus was oddly exciting. 

Trevor’s hands tugged the belt of the robe-top open and slowly slipped it from Rafael’s shoulders, his hands leaving burning trails of heat behind. Rafael groaned. He hadn’t thought that getting undressed by his Sentinel could be this arousing. Trevor dropped the top on the foot of the bed and placed tiny kisses onto Rafael’s right shoulder. He nosed the back of Rafael’s head, clearly scenting him, while his large hands moved over Rafael’s chest and down to the elastic of the pants he wore. Both of them were naked underneath the cotton pants that where the bottom half of the bonding robes, and Rafael’s breath hitched in anticipation as Trevor’s hands travelled lower still. 

Rafael reached up and behind, and buried his hands in Trevor’s hair, encouraging him to keep up the kisses and small bites he had started to trail along the side of Rafael’s neck down to his shoulder. “Trevor, please,” he begged. He wanted to feel Trevor’s hands on his cock. 

Trevor nipped at his skin a little harder, sending gooseflesh racing down Rafael’s neck. “Get on the bed for me, Rafa,” Trevor said, voice dropping even lower than before. 

With an impatient gesture Rafael pushed the cotton pants from his hips and let them pool on the floor. He didn’t pay them any more attention but hurried to climb on the bed and lie down on his back so Trevor could taste and touch wherever he liked. Rafael would give his Sentinel all the time he needed to complete his imprint, even if it gave him a serious case of blue balls. 

Rafael watched as Trevor undressed himself with quick, economic movements before climbing on the bed next to him. “My Guide,” Trevor whispered. He looked completely mesmerized by Rafael, which turned Rafael on even more. There was wonder on his face, and lust. 

“Yes, your Guide,” Rafael agreed. It was a heady feeling to be called that. Trevor’s Guide. His, and his alone. It was then that Rafael realized he’d been Trevor’s since the moment he had come online as a Sentinel in the courthouse all those weeks ago. He had been Trevor’s then, helping him, buffering him, supporting him, and he hadn’t ever really stopped. Even in those two weeks during which others had tried to take care of Trevor, Rafael had been the one who truly belonged to him. His one perfect match. 

When Trevor finally touched him, it felt like Rafael’s skin was on fire. Trevor was licking and kissing and touching every inch of skin he could reach. He dabbed his tongue against Rafael’s collarbone, licked a broad stripe across his nipples, bit at the inside of Rafael’s upper arm. He sucked Rafael’s fingers into his mouth and tongued his palms. When Trevor poked his tongue into Rafael’s navel, Rafael clenched his hands into the bed sheets and tried not to squirm, tried not to arch into the sensation of being mapped and tasted and catalogued. 

His breath was labored, stars dancing behind his eyelids as Trevor moved lower and kissed along his hipbones, nipped at the insides of Rafael’s thighs, and lapped at his balls. The moment Trevor’s hot mouth closed around the tip of his cock, Rafael groaned, helpless under the onslaught of sensation that was threatening to send him over the edge prematurely. 

Just when Rafael was about to tell Trevor that he needed to slow down if he didn’t want to make him come, Trevor pulled away. Rafael could feel him move, hot breath ghosting over his skin as he leaned down to whisper into his ear. 

“I’d love to do this all night long, but I’m just as much on edge as you are, and I want to come inside of you,” Trevor said, his voice low and hoarse. 

Rafael opened his eyes and gently cupped Trevor’s head in his palms, prompting Trevor to look him in the eyes. “Then claim your Guide, Sentinel,” he whispered. “Mark me. Claim me.” 

He let go of Trevor and tilted his head to the right, offering his throat, the crook of his neck for Trevor to bite. It was an instinct as old as time, for the Sentinel to mark up their Guide when claiming them in a sexual bond. Some pairs waited until their bodies were joined already and the Sentinel would leave his claiming mark just when the Guide would mentally bind them. But Rafael thought he should offer now, giving Trevor the chance to claim him this way before things got too heated.

Something oddly gentle and tender rushed over Trevor’s face, his grey eyes going impossibly soft. “I know I’ve said I only bite when asked to, but I think in this case, you should mark me first.”

Rafael blinked, surprised. That wasn’t standard at all. Guides didn’t feel the urge to physically claim their mates, they did so mentally. That Trevor wanted Rafael to leave a mark on him was … unexpected. 

“Are you sure? The Sentinel in you-” Rafael started, but Trevor’s finger on his lips cut him short. 

“The Sentinel in me is a greedy child. I’m not gonna let him ride roughshod over you or us. You’ve spent the last three weeks making sure I’m in control of my instincts, my senses, and my shields. You’ve made sure I act instead of reacting. You gave me control. This is me, in control.” Trevor’s voice was soft but sure. Confident. In charge. 

Rafael’s stomach did a little flip. 

“Okay then, if you’re sure.” Rafael’s heart beat wildly as Trevor moved away until he was kneeling and offered his hand to help Rafael sit up. Rafael accepted it and kneeled as well, searching Trevor’s face for a clue as to what to do next. 

There was a miniscule sigh and then Trevor leaned forward slightly and said, “I want this, Rafael. I’m absolutely sure. And I’m not gonna … bruise you up, mark you as my possession like some twisted sort of cattle brand when we clearly belong to each other. If you’re gonna wear a mark for all the world to see, then so will I.” He pointed to his left clavicle and said, “How about you give me a nice, dark hickey right here?”

Rafael smirked. “Right there you say?” he asked playfully, and then leaned up to trail a row of kisses onto Trevor’s collarbone and up to his ear. “I think I found a spot I like a little better,” he whispered, and latched onto the soft skin at the side of Trevor’s neck. He bit gently and then sucked, tiny blood vessels bursting beneath his mouth as he worked a dark purple bruise into Trevor’s skin. 

Trevor’s hands came to rest on Rafael’s upper arms, holding him in place gently as he groaned at the sensation of being marked. A sharp burst of lust and want and utter satisfaction travelled along their bond and Rafael knew that Trevor must have done it on purpose because that was the strongest emotion Rafael had gotten from him thus far. It just showed that Trevor had told the truth – he really was in control. 

When Rafael pulled back, there was amusement dancing in Trevor’s eyes. “You did that on purpose, didn’t you? This mark is just high enough to not be covered by a turtleneck, right?” He was clearly having way too much fun with it. 

“I’m sure I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about,” Rafael said innocently, and grinned at him cheekily. 

“Uh huh, I’m sure you don’t,” Trevor replied. 

Rafael smiled. He hadn’t expected this. Any of this, really. Sure, he’d known sex with Trevor would likely be very hot and pretty damn amazing. He hadn’t anticipated it to be playful and fun, too. 

“So, you gonna fuck me now, Sentinel?” Rafael asked with a very pointed look at Trevor’s nice, big cock. Rafael had suspected that Trevor would be well endowed, just like he liked it, but not even in his wildest dreams would Rafael have thought he’d have that much luck. Trevor was hung like a horse.

“That’s the plan,” Trevor said, and smiled. “Gonna need some time to prep you first, though.” He looked at his own lap and then up at Rafael through his lashes with a wry little smile. “I’m kind of … proportional.”

Rafael laughed. “That’s one way to put it, babe.Let’s face it, you’re fucking huge and I love it.” He wrapped his hand around Trevor’s thick cock and gave it an experimental tug. “I hope you won’t take too long with the prep, I can’t wait to get you in me.”

It was the truth. Rafael loved them big. All of his toys were big, and Rafael reveled in the stretch, the fullness. He couldn’t wait to get Trevor to stuff him with his nice, thick cock and fuck him full of come. It was going to be so good. Rafael had been left to his own devices – pun intended – for way too long. 

“I won’t risk hurting you, Rafael,” Trevor said seriously. 

Just for that, Rafael had to lean up and kiss him. “I know you won’t hurt me but believe me, I can take you. I’ve got a few toys that are about your size,” he whispered against Trevor’s lips. “And you can use your senses if you don’t believe me. That way you’ll know that I’m telling the truth. Now, fuck me?” 

Rafael moved away from Trevor and arranged himself on all fours, ass sticking out invitingly. He really hoped that Trevor wouldn’t take too long with prep. 

Nothing happened. 

Rafael frowned and looked back over his shoulder at Trevor, wanting to see what was going on with him. His Sentinel stared at him with an unreadable expression on his face but didn’t say anything. 

“Trevor? What’s wrong?” Rafael asked, confused. 

“I’m sorry, but this doesn’t work for me,” Trevor said quietly.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bond and a glimpse into their future... (aka, smut and fluff)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is it. The last chapter. I hope you enjoyed the story a little. Massive thanks go, als always, to my lovely beta [Brumeier](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brumeier/pseuds/Brumeier). She's awesome and I wouldn't know what to do without her. 
> 
> Maggie, I hope you liked your gift. I'm not practiced in writing these two and just pray I didn't fuck it up. Now, have some smut ;)

Rafael’s heart missed a beat. He turned around and sat, feeling stricken. “You’ve changed your mind? You … you don’t want to bond after all?” he asked and hated how his voice broke. 

“Oh my god, Rafael no! No, that’s not what I’m saying.” Trevor looked absolutely horrified and surged forward, pulling Rafael in his arms and pressing a small kiss to his temple. “I just don’t want this … position … for our first time. I want to see your face, please.”

Rafael exhaled shakily and clung to Trevor for a second longer. “Of course. Of course we can bond face to face. God, I’m sorry for assuming. I know it’s really cliché that Sentinels prefer the other position when they claim their Guide. I’m an idiot for not asking you what you wanted. I’m sorry, Trevor.”

“Don’t be. It’s okay. I just … I’m not comfortable with-” He broke off and gestured, an unhappy frown on his face.

Rafael wondered if Trevor was familiar with certain clichés that were floating around regarding Sentinel bonding practices. _‘Like a dog breeding his bitch’_ , was one of the cruder ones. Or maybe Trevor just really wanted to see his face. 

“How would you like to do this?” Rafael asked softly and looked Trevor straight in the eye. He sent love and reassurance along their bond, soothing what felt like more than slightly frazzled nerves. 

“I don’t care, as long as we’re face to face,” Trevor replied, and cupped Rafael’s neck with his right hand. “I need to see you, and I need you to see me. No hiding. No pretending. Just you and me.”

Rafael smiled at him affectionately. “I’d love to ride you, but I don’t think I can concentrate on bonding us mentally if I do that. We should probably just go for missionary and leave everything else for another time. We have all the time in the world to try out everything we want.” He kissed Trevor gently and leaned against him. 

“I like the sound of that,” Trevor said after a moment. He turned his head and pressed a kiss against Rafael’s temple. “Lie down for me?” 

Rafael complied, moving around until he was lying on his back in the middle of the bed, like he had when Trevor had imprinted on him. Trevor reached for the lube Rafael had put on the bedside table and Rafael’s heart rate sped up in anticipation. God, he needed to be fucked by Trevor! 

Trevor’s hands were firm but gentle as he settled himself between Rafael’s legs and caressed the inside of his thighs. Rafael let his eyes fall closed and concentrated on the feeling of Trevor’s hands on his skin, and the excitement and lust he could feel travelling along their fledgling bond. 

“Tell me if I’m going too fast,” Trevor said, the unmistakable snick of the lube being opened a good indication of what was to come next. 

Rafael smiled, but didn’t open his eyes. “It’s okay to use your senses, _mi vida_ , you know that, right? I’m here, I won’t let you zone. Go ahead, let yourself experience this on a whole different level. You’ll see that you’re not hurting me.” 

Trevor inhaled sharply and a moment later a slick finger pushed into Rafael, spreading lube around. Rafael briefly wondered what that must feel like for Trevor, Rafael’s body warm and slick around his finger. Could he feel the blood pulsing, could he feel the way Rafael’s body warmed the more he got turned on?

A second and third finger followed in quick succession when Trevor realized that Rafael was opening up to him quickly and there wasn’t any resistance when he prepped him. By the time Trevor had four fingers up Rafael’s ass, both of them were breathless and Rafael was about to lose his temper with his overprotective Sentinel. 

“Come on, fuck me. I’m ready, I’ve been ready for the last fifteen minutes,” Rafael urged, and stared at Trevor, willing him to get on with the show. “Trevor, please!”

Instead of complying, Trevor leaned down and sucked the head of Rafael’s cock into his mouth without warning, and Rafael almost came then and there. “Fuck! Trevor, are you trying to kill me?” he panted. “I need you in me. Now. I’m not sure how much longer I can take this, and I still need to bond us.”

There was a mischievous grin playing around Trevor’s lips and he gave Rafael’s cock one last lick before he pulled his fingers out of Rafael’s ass. It was such a cliché, but Rafael instantly felt bereft. As if the close connection to his Sentinel still heavily relied on physical contact, which in all likelihood was exactly what was happening. They only had a surface bond so far and Rafael craved the moment they would be one body and one mind. 

Rafael watched as Trevor spread a generous amount of lube over his own cock and suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. Trevor wasn’t going to hurt him, so drowning his cock in lube was unnecessary. Rafael could do with a little bit of friction if he was perfectly honest. At the same time, he was painfully aware of Trevor’s protective instinct and his absolute unwillingness to even risk causing Rafael harm. 

Trevor wiped his hand carelessly on the bed sheet and grabbed Rafael’s legs, pushing them up and back. “Hold your legs up for me, love,” he murmured as he moved in close to Rafael, slick cock smearing even more lube across Rafael’s balls and perineum. 

Rafael’s whole body thrummed with anticipation, and warmth bloomed in his chest at the endearment. Sure, he had called Trevor his life earlier, but Rafael doubted it had registered – Trevor was just too focused on monitoring Rafael’s physical reactions. 

Finally, Trevor pushed into him and it was pure and utter bliss. It was everything Rafael had hoped for and more. Trevor was thick and hot, filling Rafael up just the way he liked, sinking into Rafael’s body with one smooth stroke. 

Trevor groaned, and his eyes fell shut, hands gripping Rafael’s thighs for a moment as if to seek leverage. “Fuck. You feel amazing, Rafael,” he said. His chest heaved, and he was clearly fighting for control. Rafael wasn’t sure if he was trying to keep himself from coming or from instantly pounding Rafael’s ass. 

“Now mark me,” Rafael demanded. He let go of his own legs, wrapped them around Trevor’s hips, and leaned up to be able to push his hands into Trevor’s hair. He tugged, gently, to make Trevor lean down, and kissed him sloppily. “I need you to mark me, Trevor. It’s time for the Sentinel in you to claim his Guide.” 

When Trevor still hesitated, Rafael cupped his face in his hands and looked him straight in the eye. “ _Claim me_ ,” he ordered, and did something he hadn’t dared before – he put a good portion of his mental abilities, his Guide power, behind the command. 

Trevor shuddered and leaned down to latch onto Rafael’s neck, sucking and biting at the skin. Rafael groaned at the sensation and reached for his Sentinel’s mind. He flooded their bond with all that he was, expanding the anchor points he had in Trevor’s mind, and wrapped him up in a tight web of psionic energy. 

Just like before Trevor seemed to latch onto him mentally, cementing their bond by wrapping parts of himself around it in a desperate attempt to merge with Rafael. “Shhhh. I know, I know,” Rafael soothed as the longing in Trevor turned frantic and distressed. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can do slow and subtle. Hang on.” 

Rafael was rapidly losing his grip on the ability to slow down and do a controlled merging of their minds. He knew that letting go of that control would likely knock Trevor mentally on his ass, but Rafael was also sure he could catch him and buffer him enough to make it work. Rafael tightened his arms around Trevor’s neck and _pushed_ at all the things that still separated them mentally.

The bond that had been weak and merely superficial flared to life in a cascade of emotions and warmth and light. Trevor felt startled and panicky for a split-second until Rafael wrapped him up into his own mind and his shields and all the love he felt for his Sentinel. Rafael could have sworn he actually heard the bond snap into place, solid and durable and strong. 

“Oh god,” Trevor panted. He had his face buried in Rafael’s neck, fingers leaving bruises on Rafael’s skin as Trevor hung onto him mentally and physically alike. Awareness of him seemed to flood the every last corner of Rafael’s being, filling the void he had carried with him for so many years, finally making him whole. 

The feeling was so intense, so overwhelming, that for a moment Rafael felt lost. They were joined, body and mind, one being, if only for a heartbeat or two. He was reasonably sure that the Alphas also had gotten a show, somewhere around the time he had just torn down all barriers, not caring that he was likely flooding the building with enough empathic and psionic energy to put all of them in a very good mood. 

Trevor started to move again, face still firmly pressed against Rafael’s skin, chasing completion while their connection was still at its peak. Rafael groaned and made sure that their mental connection stayed open, feelings travelling along the bond, and their minds still so intertwined that it almost felt as if he was fucking and being fucked at the same time. 

“Rafael-” Trevor’s voice was hoarse and breathless. It was clear he was as overwhelmed by it all as Rafael was, and soon enough his rhythm faltered and he pushed into Rafael two more times, hard, and came. His orgasm pulled Rafael under with him, the dual sensations of being filled with Trevor’s come and experiencing part of what Trevor was feeling too much for him. He spilled between their bodies untouched.

After a moment of just holding each other close, Trevor rolled them onto their sides, all tangled up in each other, slowly coming down from their high. It was then that their spirit animals flashed into existence at the other side of the room. It was as if they had waited for the bond to be complete to make an appearance. Rafael grinned at the sight of Trevor’s huge lioness carefully cradling his own barn owl between her front paws. They looked cozy and at ease sharing each other’s space. 

“Wow,” Trevor murmured, and pressed a gentle kiss to Rafael’s mouth. 

“Eloquent,” Rafael replied teasingly, the love and happiness, the amount of utter _bliss_ coming over their bond was staggering, and it made Rafael feel more content, more complete, than he had ever felt before in his life. That was what had been missing in his life. That was what he was supposed to be all along: a Guide to a Sentinel, connected to another human being so closely and intimately they couldn’t be told apart, his Sentinel filling even the most dark and lonely places in his mind and soul. Being connected to Trevor felt better than Rafael could have imagined in his wildest dreams. 

“I love you, you know that, right?” Rafael asked softly. He was overwhelmed by how good he felt, how absolutely right it felt to just be there, in that moment, with Trevor. 

Trevor smiled at Rafael and kissed him again, gently, but this time he followed it up by rubbing their noses together as well. “Yes, I know. I can actually feel it,” Trevor said. The look in his eyes was affectionate. “You do know that the bond might have something to do with that, though? You know, the fact that I’d be pretty much dead without you?” There was just the slightest tinge of worry in his voice and his feelings, something that told Rafael he still feared rejection. 

Rafael tightened his grip on Trevor’s hip and shrugged, slightly. “Even if that’s the case, I don’t care. I’m never giving you up again, ever. Better get used to it.”

Trevor smiled blindingly at him, and laughed a little. “Is that so? Well, that’s good because I have no intention of giving you up again, either,” he said, and what would have sounded like a threat or a trap to Rafael’s ears just a few short days ago now sounded like heaven. It sounded like the future. Like home. 

“Isn’t it strange that, whatever it was that made us the way we are, has given us something we didn’t even knew we needed or wanted in the first place? But it just feels so right.” Trevor’s voice was barely above a whisper, but it held wonder and a bit of awe.

“It’s not strange. It’s perfect,” Rafael murmured, and pushed his hands into Trevor’s hair to pull him back in for another languid kiss. “Thank you for not giving up on me,” he whispered.

“Thank you for trusting me,” Trevor whispered back. He pulled Rafael close and buried his head in the crook of his neck, breathing him in. 

They held each other for a long time, just like that. Skin on skin, sharing the same space, enclosed in a bubble of closeness and contentment, their new bond alive and thrumming with love and happiness between them. Both of them knew there were obstacles ahead, just like in any other relationship, but they also knew that with each other at their side, they would make it. 

Together.

* * *

_Twenty-two months later_

Rafael stepped out of the courtroom, pleased with the verdict, when he spotted his husband waiting for him on one of the benches. Next to him sat Matt and Danny, their seven-year-old foster sons. 

Worry and a sense of dread washed over Rafael; Trevor coming to see him in the middle of the day usually meant some kind of trouble, either with Trevor’s senses or with childcare. 

“Hey, I didn’t expect to see you guys,” Rafael said, and cupped Trevor’s neck gently as he leaned in for a kiss. There wasn’t any distress coming from his Sentinel and Trevor didn’t instantly ground himself on Rafael either, so it probably wasn’t a sense-related problem. 

Rafael touched first Matt and then Danny, gently checking in with them as he ruffled their hair, the quiet hum of their still latent gifts settled and calm as he brushed against it with his empathy. Attempting to raise twin boys who would likely come online as powerful Guides was a challenge all its own, but one he and Trevor had agreed they wanted to take on together. The boys needed a family in which they could grow into their gifts, and Trevor and Rafael had felt they wanted to open their hearts and their home to the vulnerable children their community had sworn to protect. 

“What’s going on? Aren’t you supposed to be at work, Trevor? And I think you guys should be at baseball practice, right?” Rafael knew he couldn’t quite hide his worry but the huge grin that spread over all of their faces set him at ease a little. 

“We got news!” Matt said excitedly, and Danny poked him in the side. 

“You said we could tell together,” he complained. 

“And we’re gonna!” Matt replied and poked him back. 

“Boys!” Trevor’s voice was gentle but firm. The smile on his face, however, was blinding. 

The twins looked at each other and then said in a rush, “We’re gonna be your real kids today!” 

Warmth and a wave of gratitude rolled through Rafael and he looked over to Trevor, who just smiled and nodded. 

“Hm, you look pretty real to me already,” Rafael teased, and crouched to hug the boys. As expected, his sons giggled. 

“But we’re gonna get adopted today, Papa. Daddy said so. He got a call from Uncle Peter,” Matt said excitedly, and his grip on Rafael tightened. 

“The Center officials approved their adoption quicker than expected,” Trevor explained, and reached for Danny who instantly snuggled into his arms and leaned his head on Trevor’s shoulder. The twins were technically too old to be carried around, but sometimes that was their way of showing they needed physical contact. “Judge Linden is waiting for us in her office to make it official. We were just waiting for you to finish up in court.”

Rafael smiled and pulled Trevor down for another kiss. Their bond was alive with happiness and excitement and so much love it almost made Rafael dizzy. Matt slipped his hand into Rafael’s and grinned a him, showing off his newest tooth gap. 

“Let’s not make the Judge wait any longer then,” Rafael said, and together they walked away to make their family complete.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I kind of "merged" Peter Stone and Michael Stonebridge cause this is an AU, so why not? I get to keep the best of both characters by turning him into Peter Michael Stone ;)


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